


Two Motives

by Arisprite



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Clow Country, Fai and Kurogane are both idiots and can't communicate, Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 03:23:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2492648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arisprite/pseuds/Arisprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fai is terribly wounded, and as luck or fate would have it, they land in Clow Country only just in time to save his life. Kurogane doesn’t react well to Fai’s close brush with death, but Fai is distracted by the strange noises in the hospital hallways, and the presence of someone unseen in his room at night. Post Series. Kurofai.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is entirely the fault of username-goes-here (aka, my roommate Rémy), who not only got me completely shipping Fai and Kurogane before I even watched the anime, let alone read the manga, but also acts out scenarios, including Fai’s reaction to certain events in this story. Let’s just say that a. she’s ridiculous, and b. she’s got a good handle on Fai’s character, because the story just flowed. So romance/ghost story? Anyone down?  
> Also, this makes certain assumptions. Firstly, that Fai’s vampirism has indeed been purged completely, and he’s a regular human wizard person with no healing magic. Second, that Clow Country is actually somewhat advanced technologically and especially magically. We didn’t really get to see all the medical facilities, for example, but I’m going to assume they exist, since they had to spend some time there for Kurogane at least to recover, and also that they for some reason look like the Houses of Healing in Minas Tirith. There may be other things, and I’ll try to write them out at the end of the chapters.  
> I will be updating this sporadically, but I’m mostly done, and it WILL be all the way up and complete by Halloween.

Prologue

It’s not like they were asking for a fight when they landed. But, surprise surprise, here they were, fighting for their lives. Again. Mokona’s earring was glowing, and they were literally about to leave, and the people of this backwards world were attacking them and each other, knife, sword and spear in hand. 

Kurogane grumbled as he swung his own sword, pushing the mass of fighters back, and attempting not to kill them. What a pain. Glancing around, he could see Syaoran a ways off (taller now, but still not over the heads of this world’s men) fighting with his sword and occasional bursts of magic. Fai was as far in the opposite direction, dancing between weapons, with purple runes swirling around him. Mokona squeaked inside his cowl, and Kurogane growled at it. 

“C’mon bun, just grab us all and get us out of here!” 

He dodged a sword jab, slashing at the legs of the attacker. He fell to the ground, moaning, and Kurogane stepped over him. 

“It’s too hard to hold on to them!” Mokona said in his ear, voice wobbling around as Kurogane moved. 

“You’ve done it before!” Kurogane snapped, slashing downwards. He remembered the distance between the group members when they’d been sent to Yama. 

“No one was doing magic before! It’s makes Fai and Syaoran too slippery!” It chirped, getting jostled by Kurogane ducking under a particularly exuberant warrior’s attack. “You have to get closer!” 

Kurogane snarled, and began to wade through the melee towards Syaoran. The kid kicked and sliced as well as he always did, but he looked grateful to see Kurogane coming towards him. He grabbed Syaoran’s cloak, and dragged him out of the middle of the fighting, and towards Fai. 

Fai was grinning as he ducked and dodged, spinning around, his cloak and ponytail swinging merrily. The people were pressing in around them, and Kurogane elbowed two fighters out of the way as he moved forward. He was close to Fai, but the idiot was still using magic, so Kurogane didn’t think Mokona could grab him quite yet. Kurogane reached out to snag the wizard himself, only to see Fai’s body jerk strangely. 

The purple magic faltered, flickering out of sight. Fai, eyes wide but confused, stared at his attacker, who was pulling a long, jagged knife out of Fai’s stomach. 

Mokona shrieked in horror, and Kurogane stretched out his hand again-- 

\--then magic started flowing around them all, swirling and spinning the way it always did. Kurogane felt it begin, the press and roar of interdimensional travel. It was hard to move, but he was still trying to surge forward, his body reacting while his brain was still processing. Fai was only feet away, still standing, nothing at all to indicate anything had happened, but Kurogane had seen the knife. He reached--

\--and grabbed hold of Fai’s shoulder as the magic dissipated around them. Syaoran stumbled into his back, and Mokona was crying out, but Fai was still upright, Fai was alright, until he lowered a hand to the left side of his stomach, and the dark clothing he was wearing was shiny with red liquid. 

“Oh,” He murmured, and his hand was bright with blood. His knees buckled. The sound around them seemed to restart. 

“Fai!” Kurogane snapped, jumping forward to catch Fai before he fell completely. The man was light and tense in his arms, scrabbling a little at his clothing. Kurogane pressed his hand against where most of the blood seemed to be coming from, and Fai’s body tensed even more, but he made no sound, save a tiny grunt as Kurogane pressed on the wound. 

Then Syaoran grabbed his arm, pointing. 

“Look, we’re here! We’re safe!” 

Kurogane didn’t want to pull his eyes away from the rapidly paling mage, but Syaoran sounded happy, and dammit why was he happy, while Fai was bleeding out? But he raised his gaze enough to see the familiar shapes of the Clow Country ruins. The city was behind them, and he remembered that they had hospitals. 

The realization that they could have landed _anywhere_ was taking his breath away, but here, here Fai could be taken care of. 

Fai was holding his arm in a weak grip, panting, and Kurogane held on to the wound, knowing that the kid was bringing help. Fai would be alright. He had to be.


	2. Chapter 2

“Kuro-pon is such a meanie to not let me out of bed!” 

Fai was pouting with flair, arms crossed and everything, but it was to no avail in the face of his captors. Kurogane was still and silent, leaning on the wall of the hospital room, his typical frown on his face. Syaoran looked uncomfortable, but unyielding, and Sakura, sitting by his bed looked like iron and ice in her resolve that he heal. Even Mokona only cuddled closer to his side, in the -admittedly comfortable- hospital bed. Only the best for the guests of the Princess, even if one of them had just come close to dying. Apparently. 

It was the same facility that they’d all recovered in the last time they were there, just after they broke Fei Wang Reed’s magic, and returned most things back to normal. The same draped stone walls, and silken laid beds. The hospital in the city may as well have been the palace, with all the lovely rooms and gardens. Fai was certainly well taken care of, but Clow was no Piffle with its instant entertainment, and Fai was (to channel Mokona) bored, bored, bored!

“You’re not supposed to be up yet, Fai-san,” Sakura said, not looking up from her needlework. Ah, sweet Sakura had been the leader of this imprisonment (even though it was easier and safer to moan at Kurogane, Fai knew where the orders were really coming from!) Glad as she was to see them all again, she was incredibly upset that Fai had been hurt, and was merciless about enforcing every single one of the doctors’ rules and recommendations. Fai was convinced she was using the nurse to spy on him as well. 

She and Syaoran had been visiting for about an hour, but they refused to do anything exciting with him. Only light chatter was allowed, and though that had been fine for twenty minutes, the silence as they simply _sat_ there was killing him. Literally, he was sure. 

Fai had only wanted to sit out on the balcony, but Sakura had protested, so of course the others went along with it, and Fai was stuck in bed. As he had been. For days. 

“Are you gonna whine during their whole visit?” Kurogane grumbled, after Fai’s pouting had lost some intensity due to boredom. The ninja hadn’t been far during his recovery, demonstrating far more patience about the whole thing than Fai had. In fact, he’d been abnormally calm the whole time, barely reacting to Fai’s childish behavior, rather he’d endure and then look off into the distance. It was all rather annoying, as even one of their normal arguments would have brightened the day considerably. Instead, he spent most of his time leaning on the wall and being _boring_.

“Perhaps we could play a game, or something?” Syaoran suggested, and Fai slumped dramatically, ignoring the twinge in his side. 

“I’ve played every word game, card game and board game I can conjure!” He exclaimed, waving an arm. “And in all of those, I’ve beaten Kuro-tan at, so they’re no fun anymore! Games are boring…” 

Mokona at his side, echoed. “Boring…” Though why Mokona thought it had to be as bored as he, Fai had no idea. It could easily leave the room, and run free outside, but the creature had barely left his side since he’d come here. 

Kurogane ‘tched’. “God, you’re childish.” He muttered, and Fai pout-glared from the corner of his eye. 

“At least I’m not a sore loser.” He retorted. Kurogane huffed. 

“And I’m not a cheater, unlike someone I could mention.” 

Fai knew very well that he’d cheated in most of the games he’d roped Kurogane into playing with him, but he still straightened in outrage. 

“I am not a cheat, Kuro-liar!” He snapped, finally having some fun. Unfortunately, Kurogane seemed to sense it, and pulled back. He sighed, and looked towards the children. 

“Well kids, I think the baby needs a nap. How ‘bout you two come back later?” 

Kurogane moved to shoo the children out of the room, with Syaoran looking alarmed, and Sakura (how could his Sakura betray her mommy like this?) looking amused. Amused!

Fai had no choice but to react in the way that Kurogane had surely known he would. Faced with the prospect of losing his only source of entertainment (since Kuro-pu was being so onerous) Fai slumped in his bed, looking as contrite as he could manage. 

“I’m sure that’s not necessary, Kuro-sama. Terribly sorry!” He blinked at the other man, trying for innocent. Kurogane, of course, could see straight through him, but the apology was there to see as well. It’s not like Fai was _trying_ to be difficult. Well, he was trying to be difficult, but not unbearably difficult. He didn’t want to drive them away, that would be no fun!

Kurogane grumbled, and stopped moving towards the door, but he didn’t return to his place either. Fai imbued a little more pleading in his gaze. 

“Do I at least get a bedtime story first?” He whimpered. Sakura brightened, and Fai thought she might be his salvation after all. Dear Sakura, of course!

“Actually, you all came at the perfect time of the year. All Hallow’s Eve is coming up, so it’s the perfect time for telling ghost stories.” She said, smiling sweetly. Even Kurogane couldn’t resist in the face of that smile. 

____

“...and the call was coming from inside the house!” 

Syaoran finished with a flair, hands extended dramatically. Four pairs of eyes blinked at him. 

“So, the killer was just waiting for her to come up? Why wouldn’t he just come down to kill her?” Kurogane asked, frowning from his place against the wall. Syaoran  
looked sheepish. 

“It was just a movie from Japan. First thing I remembered.” 

“Good job!” Sakura was smiling.

“It was very good, Syaoran-kun,” Fai congratulated, clapping his hands together. Mokona was leaping up and down. 

“Next! Next! Next!”

“Who’s next?” Fai asked, sitting cross legged on the bed. 

“Kuro-daddy has to go next!” Mokona crowed, leaping straight into the air. Fai caught it, and grinned. 

“How about it, Kuro-pipi? Do you have a story ready?” He asked, eyes twinkling. Kurogane had been thinking as he listened to Syaoran’s, flipping through his memories of legends and ghost tales. Honestly, his childhood land had had ready made scary tales with the demons that had infested the lands...but they were a little too vivid in his memories. This wasn’t the time for such stories. He’d settled on one from his time in Tomoyo’s home; it was one that she’d told him in their childhood. 

He nodded. 

“A priest was walking along a road to the temple. It was a dark night, and he was alone.” Kurogane started, not moving from his spot. 

“Ooh, good start, Kuro-ni!” Fai put his chin in his hands, looking up at him attentively. The kids were listening too. Kurogane wasn’t quite used to be the center of attention like this, so he glared at Fai for interrupting. 

“Quiet, you. I’m telling it. Anyway, he started to hear footsteps behind him.” Here Tomoyo would always act out the tapping noise of the footsteps, but Kurogane wasn’t about to put on that much of a show. “He walked faster. So did the footsteps. He walked faster still, thinking it must be a highwayman. The footsteps matched his speed.” 

The group was listening hard, looking nervous, save Fai who was smiling like he was having the time of his life. Well, at least he was being less annoying than his childish tantrums.

“He reached the temple, hearing the footsteps loud behind him. Then, on the wall of the temple, he saw it.” 

“What did he see?! What did he see?!” Mokona chirped. Kurogane paused for a long moment; he remembered this effect when Tomoyo had told it. The group held their breath. 

“It was a pale hand, translucent and thin like a skeleton, sticking out of the wall. It beckoned to him. The priest was young, but through his fear and startlement, he realized that this must be a spirit asking to move on.

‘That poor, lost soul,’ he said, ‘it must be someone who died in that plague last winter.’” Kurogane didn’t do any voices, definitely disappointing Fai, but the mage didn’t interrupt. 

“He went back inside the temple, and prepared a prayer for the spirit. When he returned, the hand reached for the prayer. When the priest laid the paper in the ghostly hand, it gripped it tightly, and seemed to listen while he chanted a death rite. When the priest finished, the hand disappeared. The priest never saw it again.”

The story finished with much less dramatic effect than it usually did when Tomoyo told it. Fai blinked and sat back a little, and Syaoran and Sakura were slightly puzzled looking. 

“That wasn’t very scary, Kuro-rin.” Fai said after a moment, and it was clear that Kurogane wasn’t going to go on. Folding his arms tighter, Kurogane humphed, and glared at the wizard. 

“It’s a moral story. All ghosts and spirits usually want is acknowledgement, and maybe some more death rites. It’s to teach children!” He didn’t say that he’d picked that one, because the image of the hand emerging from the wall had haunted his thoughts and dreams for days after Tomoyo had told it when he was a child. In retrospect, it really wasn’t very scary, but he wasn’t about to admit that. 

“It was a little frightening.” Sakura put in, reaching out to pat his arm. Kurogane couldn’t quite bring himself to shrug off the Princess, but it was a close thing. Fai had his hands around his knees, though it couldn’t be comfortable to be curled up like that with the wound on his side, and he was smiling. 

“We’re telling _ghost stories_ , Kuro-silly. Shall I show you how it’s done?” 

Kurogane shrugged. “By all means,” He grumbled. Before Fai could start, however, Sakura raised her fingers. 

“Do you mind...can I go first, Fai-san? I’ve just thought of mine, and I don’t want to forget it!” She looked so determined that Kurogane could see Fai holding back a true laugh --pity. 

“Of course, my dear.” Fai said, spreading his hand to allow Sakura to take the floor. She smiled wide, and clasped her hands together. 

“Thank you,” She bowed her head a little, before sitting up straighter in her chair. “This story was told to me just the other night, by a nurse in this very hospital! Late one night, this nurse had stayed to catch up on some patient work. It was fully dark, and very quiet when she finally finished and got ready to leave. The hospital was silent and still.”

Fai laughed, a trifle nervously. “Are you trying to scare me, Sakura-chan? I still have to sleep in this hospital, you know.” 

Sakura giggled, covering her mouth. “I’m not trying to do anything, Fai-san.” 

“Mage, let her finish her story.” Kurogane put in, as Sakura blushed. Maybe she was trying to scare Fai specifically. In that case, he was all for it. If she wasn’t, and this truly was the only story she could remember at the moment, then Kurogane didn’t want Fai to make her too nervous. 

“I apologize, Little Kitty, please continue.” Fai said, putting a hand on his heart. Sakura smiled at him, and kept going. 

“The nurse was walking through the halls on her way home, when she got a chill. Thinking she’d just caught a draft from somewhere, since the desert nights are cold, she kept moving, focusing on happy thoughts. Then, she got another shiver, more intense than the first. It made her shudder hard. Then, she heard a sound.”  
Sakura’s voice dropped low. 

“It was a noise, like a footstep, behind her in the hallway. She turned, but no one was there. She knew that there were people in the building. Patients were sleeping, and there were one or two night nurses in case of emergencies, but still, the footstep alarmed her. She went back the way she came.” 

Fai and Syaoran were listening intently, with Mokona buried in Fai’s blankets (only the tips of two white ears poked out). Kurogane was listening too, admiring her telling style, and the chill he’d gotten down his own spine. Sakura had skill at this, nearing Tomoyo’s talent, and Kurogane even fancied that Fai had gone somewhat pale. Well, pale-er. 

“In the previous hallways, there was no one around. But, the nurse could feel something, like someone was standing next to her, watching her. Beginning to be afraid, she turned around a final time to leave and go home. That’s when she noticed the door that was ajar. There are tags on the doors, listing the patients names, but this one had no name. If anyone was in there, it wasn’t a patient.

“Her heart in her throat, the nurse pushed open the door with shaking hands. There was no one there. It was an empty patient room, nothing more. Until…”  
Mokona squeaked under the covers, and Fai had his hands pulled up to his face-- and Kurogane didn’t think he was doing it for show. Sakura half smiled, enjoying the audience. 

“The curtains over the windows began to shift, ever so slightly.” She gestured to the floating silk curtains over Fai’s window, white and billowy. They were shifting now, they were always shifting, but he guessed that was Sakura’s game. “They moved faster, but the nurse could feel no wind. Then, in the back of her hearing, she heard a long high pitch, like the echo of a scream.”

Was it in Kurogane’s head, or did he hear that noise she described?

“Then the curtains moved again, violently, like something was coming through them. They blew back to reveal a figure of a woman, dressed in hospital clothes, face covered by tangled hair. Blood was dripping from the woman’s face, hiding any identity, if she ever had one, and her twisted legs seemed to be floating in midair rather than standing on the floor. 

“She reached out her hand, it too was covered in blood, and then opened her mouth with a terrible sucking noise. The nurse could only make out one sound. 

‘..I..I..iiiiiii…...’” Sakura imitated the noise, contorting her face into what looked like a death mask. 

“Terrified, the nurse turned and ran. When she made it outside, she turned to look up at the window she’d seen the figure. Nothing was there. She wasn’t even sure if it was real or a dream.” 

She finished softly, and Kurogane again had to admire her style. The room was silent with chills, and even Fai was still and wide eyed. Syaoran looked amazed, and broke the silence with a manic little burst of clapping. That broke Fai and Mokona out of their stupor, and a cheer went up. 

“Wow, that was really scary, Sakura!” Mokona shouted, jumping upwards. 

“Good job!” Fai cheered, his face losing some pallor. Hah, the guy really had been scared. 

Kurogane sent Sakura a soft smile, while Syaoran clapped a few more times. 

“That was really good,” He murmured to her, and she blushed brightly. 

Fai laughed, and clapped his own hands together. 

“Well, I suppose it’s my turn now, isn’t it?” He said, placing a finger on his chin. “What shall I tell you all? What tale of blood and horror, of tragedy and gore?”

Kurogane rolled his eyes at Fai’s dramatics. Fai didn’t notice, smiling, eyes a light. 

“Shall I tell of the wizard who gets stabbed, and ends up in a haunted hospital?” He teased Sakura. She laughed at his play, but Kurogane felt a jolt of anger. 

“Don’t joke about that.” He growled, glancing at the man. Fai blinked, and immediately fell into his teasing act. Kurogane should have known, but for some reason it made his blood boil this time. 

“Why? Did Kuro-nya wo~rry about me?” He fluttered, and simpered from his hospital bed, but all Kurogane could remember was him laying pale upon it. It had been so close. “After all, it was only a little stab wound, it wasn’t like I got completely impaled--”

“You almost died, you idiot!” Something broke in Kurogane’s control, and he yelled it louder than the teasing should have warranted. He could see Fai’s startled jerk, and he knew that he was thinking that this wasn’t the way their game worked. Yeah, well, he didn’t want to play. Another image of Fai’s face, grey with pain, as the surgeons here worked on him flashed through his mind, and Kurogane knew, _knew_ , that enough was enough. The image made him sick with worry, even as the real Fai blinked at him, alive and if not well, he soon would be. But, this was pointless. Pointless to keep on the way they had, not when Kurogane’s feelings were so strong. He had to tell him. Enough was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The stories the group tells are mostly real. Kurogane's is an old Japanese legend from the Edo period, and it really is as not-scary as Fai says. You may recongize the hand imagry from xxxHolic though, and it was terrifying there.  
> Syaoran's is referencing the urban legend and the movie When A Stranger Calls. It's not that relatable to our cast however, hence the lackluster reactions.  
> Fai didn't get to tell anything, but let me tell you, researching Slavic legends was creepy as hell.  
> Sakura's is the only one that I made up because plot reasons....


	3. Chapter 3

There was a tight silence after Kurogane’s words. Fai was blinking in confusion at the sudden atmosphere change, and Syaoran, Sakura and Mokona were joining him in staring at the ninja in surprise. 

Kurogane had a light flush on his cheeks, and was glaring at the floor. He had been sincere there, admitting something true, a real fear, and it felt significant. Fai didn’t know what to say. He wanted to break the tension with more teasing, but that had been the catalyst at the start. And he didn’t want to invite whatever conversation that he thought Kurogane wanted to have, since fear of his own was shutting his throat tight. But, once Kurogane had decided something, there was little anyone could do to stop him. 

“Can you guys give us a minute?” Kurogane asked, and Syaoran nodded emphatically, scooping up Mokona from the bed. Sakura followed him out of the room, but not before giving Kurogane a look Fai couldn’t interpret. He swallowed, and turned his head, anxiety building. 

“Surely anything you need to say, you can say in front of the children?” He said, nervous fingers twisting his blankets. He was ignored, as Kurogane moved to the corner of the room to get the wheeled chair that sat there unused. He’d mostly used a cane on the rare occasions he’d been allowed up (pretty much to the bathroom, and no where else). Kurogane grabbed the cane too, and hung it on the back of the chair. “What’s going on?” 

Kurogane brought the chair over, and put out a hand to help him up. 

“You wanted to go outside, right?” 

Fai smiled, falsely, and took Kurogane’s warm hand. He wasn’t entirely an invalid. He was healing fast, but movement was still a ginger process, and any sort of twisting or bending pulled the great number of stitches in his side. He took a careful seat in the chair, and Kurogane began pushing it along, out of the room and down the hall. 

Deciding to ignore the oddly tense atmosphere, and the twisting nervousness in his stomach, Fai spent the ride chattering-about what, he wasn’t even sure. He knew he was unsuccessful twice in provoking Kurogane into one of their more normal arguments. He avoided the topic of his recent stabbing though. But, it seemed like the man wasn’t even listening. In his quick glances behind and up, Kurogane’s red eyes seemed a million miles away. Fai thought about asking him what was wrong...but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. 

His speech subsided before they’d reached the gardens, and Fai twisted his fingers together tight enough to whiten his knuckles before they reached the stone pathway, and Kurogane stopped the chair. In front of them, there was a rolling lawn, and Fai suddenly ached for the grass. 

“Do you want to walk from here?” Kurogane asked, and Fai looked up, a slightly more real smile on his lips. 

“Kuro-chan knows me so well!” Kurogane handed him the cane, and Fai pushed himself to his feet, wobbling a little before he felt a strong hand on his elbow, steadying him. Fai smiled a little wider, kicking off his slippers and stepping forward barefoot onto the grass. 

Clow Country was a harsh land, but certain places -like the hospital gardens- maintained lush gardens, including _grass_. This had been his favorite place to come last time they were here, while it was Kurogane who was recovering. 

Fai sighed happily, taking in the sun and the warmth of the Clow afternoon. The desert was unbearable for him most times, and he much preferred being inside where clever little tubes and fans made the air slightly cooler, but the gardens of the hospital were well tended with grass and tall trees, and the walls cast convenient patches of shade. which made the whole place feel lovely. Kurogane left the chair at the edge of the stone pathway, and followed him up the little hill of grass and joined him in looking out over the little man-made pond, full of circling fish as long as his arm. 

Yes, the place was perfect to relax in...except for the fact that Kurogane was still being so weird! The man was standing slumped next to him, his hands shoved in his trouser pockets, and he fairly reeked of tenseness and anxiety. The thought brought his own nerves up. Knowing that Kurogane had brought him out here to _talk_...he didn’t want to think of what Kurogane could want to talk to him about, but in his experience it was nothing good, and was never fun for him. And at this point in their friendship, a talk wouldn’t be some innocuous thing...no, this would be something complex. 

Fai swallowed, and decided that the best tactic for this moment would be to ignore the strangeness of his companion, like he’d done on the ride here. 

“I’m going to go look at the fish a bit closer,” Fai said brightly, already moving away, but then a firm but not harsh hand gripped his elbow. Kurogane had grabbed him, effectively stopping all forward movement, even if he were at his full strength. His Kuro-pi was quite a brute at times. He remembered Tokyo and the bruises he’d had on his forearm. “Kuro-chin, I need that arm,” Fai smiled, beginning to squirm away. Unlike last time, Kurogane released him with a solemn look. 

“I need to talk to you.” He said, his red eyes holding his gaze as strongly as his hand had. Fai half laughed, glancing downwards, edging sideways. 

“So you said.” He replied, uneasily. “But you’ve continuously not said a thing since we left the room, so, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go splash in the pond. It’s suddenly unbearably hot.” Fai wasn’t even sure what he was saying anymore, but he knew that if he stopped talking, then Kurogane would _start_ , and that was something he wasn’t sure he could handle. 

Kurogane was rolling his eyes, and opening his mouth to speak, so Fai pulled on a lecherous face. 

“Care to join me?” He hooded his eyes, taunting, distracting. Perhaps mocking now. “Ah, Big Puppy Kuro-woof can come and doggy paddle in the pond with Big Kitty, yeah? Come on, Big Puppy!” 

Fai clapped his hands and turned to bound away as best he could with his side aching, and stomach churning in nervousness. But again, Kurogane caught him before he could turn completely. Only this time, it was his hand that he grabbed. Kurogane threaded his warm right hand through Fai’s scarred fingers, and held him firmly there. There was a pink flush on his cheeks.

“Idiot,” Kurogane said, and his tension seemed to have melted away. His face was calm, composed, like he’d reached some sort of decision. Fai wanted to poke some more, break this strange spell over both of them that was keeping them frozen, staring at each other, but he couldn’t think of a word in any language. He couldn’t deny the shiver that ran down his spine, and the answering blush that rose to stain his own face. 

Fai was suddenly aware of how very alone they were in the garden, and he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to be alone with Kurogane right now. Or ever. Had he always been that close to Kurogane’s face?

“Um, Kuro-sama? What are you doing?” Fai whispered around a dry throat. He was actually somewhat sure of what Kurogane was doing. He’d known when he took his hand, and began moving close enough that their breath mingled. He watched him with careful red eyes, inching closer and closer.   
Fai’s heart was pounding, terror making his palms clammy, and it was surely unpleasant for Kurogane to hold his hand while he was panicking and sweating, but the man didn’t seem to mind, and didn’t let go. Fai’s head was racing. He hadn’t had time to even consider this, that Kurogane could _want_ this. And, while he’d entertained the thought, of course it was never an actual possibility! Except, it seemed it very much was, and vomiting would surely ruin a first kiss, wouldn’t it?

Fai had time to flicker his eyes over Kurogane’s mouth, before the man suddenly closed the distance. Half a startled gasp escaped him before lips pressed against his. 

Oh. 

It was warm and solid and lovely, and he’d never thought to describe Kurogane as _tender_ but here they were and -damn him- Fai was melting.

It wasn’t long, wasn’t anything more than simple contact, but when Kurogane pulled away, Fai’s knees were weak, and he found his free hand had tangled in Kurogane’s collar. 

“Uh…” Fai said, blinking the world back into existence. Kurogane looked as dazed as he felt, and he was blushing all they way down to his neck. It was absolutely adorable. 

Kurogane had just kissed him. _Kissed_ him! Did this mean--? Did he want--? 

Fai pulled back, untangling his fingers from both Kurogane’s hand and shirt, a jolt of panic making him instantly ill. He scrambled backwards. 

“Oh, Kuro-” His mind stuttered on an honorific or even a cutesy nickname, and Fai shook his head and stammered on. “That was, I...I wasn’t quite expecting that, uh...” Fai pasted a smile on, and patted Kurogane’s shoulder-the left one, so he couldn’t pick up on the way his hand was shaking. 

“Good stuff, good..good. I have to go do something in that general direction,” He waved vaguely, “But I will see you later, ehem, you and your soft soft lips have fun over here.” 

Fai turned tail and ran.

_______

 

Kurogane watched Fai stumble away, and let him go. The idiot was too weak to run, but he was doing his best, before he disappeared into the foliage. Kurogane was kicking himself. He hadn’t been intending on kissing him; for one thing, it didn’t convey the conversation he’d meant to have with him, and now he’d gone and freaked Fai out. 

Shit. 

He’d always been a man of action, and not words, so it should have come as no surprise that in the most important moments, his speech had dried up. All he could think to do was lean in-

Frustration welled up in him. It had been so long since Tokyo. Back then, he’d seen Fai laying weak and bloody on the bed, and felt such a horrible fear. But, even then he had been blind to the depths of his feelings. He’d have promised anything to save Fai. Since then, due to first the vampire blood, and then (after the blood had been purged) better self care and good luck, Fai had been strong and healthy. Their lives were dangerous, but Fai escaped from major harm. 

But then five days ago, in a stroke of ill chance, Fai had been stabbed. The knife had been long and jagged and covered in other people’s blood. The wound had torn his skin, and come close to rupturing three or four different vital organs. He only avoided bleeding out, and infection by the use of powerful healing magic, and the speed with which he got to the hospital. Even then, it was so close...he had been so close to losing him. 

And now Fai, who’d really only been awake two days, was panicking and loose in the garden. 

“Argh,” Kurogane growled. Now he had to go and find the bastard, and probably drag him back to bed, as well as eventually tie him down to have a _talk_ , as action hadn’t really worked. Now the only question was where had he gotten? 

The garden around him was pretty open, except in the northward direction where there was trees and bushes and paths just full of places to hide. Of course, that was the direction Fai had headed in; he’d quickly disappeared into the foliage. Fai wasn’t even close to being healed enough to be running around. He was barely walking, and he’d left the cane behind at the wheelchair, so he probably shouldn’t get far...but it was Fai, and who knows how much he’d push himself. A stab of worry cut through his chest at the thought, as the sun was descending in the sky, and the temperature would drop quickly after that. 

Kurogane began to jog towards the treeline, grumbling to push away his anxiety. He really wasn’t ready to let Fai out of his sight yet. This was all brought on by that scare he’d had. Seeing Fai, dazed, bleeding and in pain had horrified him. It had made Kurogane very much aware of how he could not lose the other man. Would not lose him. It also made him ponder, as Fai healed in bed, how much he didn’t want things to continue as they were. Hell, they’d been dancing around each other for years. Probably everyone else knew it already. That was what he wanted to say to Fai, but that obviously didn’t work. 

Fai, though, _had_ kissed him back, before panicking. That was something. 

Kurogane looked for twenty minutes before his own panic started to get the better of him. How could one skinny wizard disappear so entirely? Even shouting his name hadn’t brought him out, and Kurogane decided to leave the garden in case Fai had somehow gotten past him and gone back to his room. 

“Dammit, wizard. Where are you?”

Inside, there was no one there, and Kurogane felt his anxiety twist tighter. Where could he be? Kurogane turned, intending on heading back to the garden, or maybe to get Sakura to call people to do a proper comb, and almost knocked over a tiny woman. Kurogane jerked back, lifting his hands in apology.

“Oh my goodness, I’m sorry!” She exclaimed, “I didn’t mean to startle you!” 

“You didn’t,” Kurogane replied. “You okay?”

She nodded. She was wearing the linen nurse’s uniform; sleeves wrapped out of the way, and the symbol of the hospital on her chest, and Kurogane realized he knew her, Fai’s regular nurse. She recognized him too, blinking at him from behind ginger bangs and wiry spectacles. 

“Aren’t you Kuro…?” She trailed off his name, obviously sifting through all the dumb nicknames Fai had called him to see if she’d ever heard his full name. He was positive she hadn’t, unless it came from the kids, and inwardly rolled his eyes. 

“It’s Kurogane. That idiot always is calling me nicknames.” 

“Oh, I see. Pleasure to meet you officially.” She stuck out her hand in the tradition of most of the worlds they travelled to, in lieu of a bow. He returned the shake, well used to it by now. “My name is Koroko. I’ve been Fai’s evening nurse.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen you.” 

Koroko suddenly looked past him, and into the room. 

“Where is Fai?” 

Kurogane sighed heavily, and rubbed his forehead. A headache was coming on-as so often happened when he was dealing with that mage.

“He’s missing.” He admitted. Koroko’s eyes widened, and then her brow came down. 

“What do you mean _missing_?”


	4. Chapter 4

Fai braced his elbows on his knees, focusing on breathing and not slipping off the stone bench he sat on. The wound in his side burned, sweat dampened the hospital robes he was wearing, and his bare feet were stinging from rocks and twigs. He still hadn’t quite gotten his breath back from his stumbling escape. He hadn’t even known where he was going. Just away, away from Kurogane and his unexpected kisses, and hidden meanings, and he’d hid in the garden like a child. 

He was in a small copse, surrounded by trees and flowers, with stones and twisting paths concealing his location from searchers. Fai had lurched forward until he felt like his knees would give out, and his wound was spasming. He’d found the warm stone bench in a small patch of sunlight, and collapsed upon it. 

As the pain had calmed down, Fai uncurled somewhat, dropping his head into his hands. Panic was still thrumming through his chest, alongside other emotions he wouldn’t name. 

Annoyance was in there. 

Why had he done that? In one moment, Kurogane had changed everything between them, without even a ‘by your leave’. Fai huffed a little, pushing his hands against his forehead. Well, it wasn’t like it was the first time he’d done that. Severed arms and vampire blood came to mind, and they’d gotten through those-- but, really! It was just like Kurogane to make some irrevocable step, and expect Fai to just catch up. 

Kurogane had kissed him. Fai found his fingers had drifted to press against his lips. He pulled them away in irritation. Kurogane had kissed him, and Fai didn’t know what to do or how to act now. It wasn’t that he necessarily didn’t want to be kissed, or even that he didn’t want to be kissed by Kurogane. But...what it might mean...that was another story. He’d been very comfortable with their current level of closeness, and that Kurogane maybe wanted more… 

He didn’t know if he could give more. 

He wanted to...he thought. Perhaps. If terror wouldn’t clog his throat at the thought. 

Just then, a shadow seemed to cover the sun for a moment. Fai shivered, and looked upwards at the clear blue sky. Not a cloud. Hm, perhaps his sweat had dried too quickly, except… 

As he looked around, more chills clawed icy fingers down his spine. His magic, a warm strength in his very core, seemed to shudder and tingle with gooseflesh. For just a breath, he thought he saw his own exhale as a cloud of cold mist. Sakura’s story came to his mind, and he almost laughed at himself for letting his thoughts get away from him, except that there was a heaviness to the air that he didn’t think he could imagine. 

Fai was still, beginning to feel a presence, a roiling tangle of emotions: grief, anger, regret...it washed over him, and caused a lump to grow in his throat. These emotions didn’t belong to him…

A hand connected with his shoulder. 

“Oh!” Fai jumped, almost falling off the bench, turning quickly to see his nurse pulling back her arm. “Koroko-san, you scared me!” 

Koroko placed her hands on her hips, glasses flashing. 

“Now what are you doing out here?” She asked. “You’re going to catch a chill, and if you ripped your stitches, you’re gonna be in big trouble!” 

Fai smiled, waving his hands. 

“No, no, Koroko-san, no stitches ripped, I promise! I’ve just been sitting here enjoying the sun!” 

She huffed, and crossed her arms. She had the same unfortunate talent that Kurogane did, in seeing through every one of his faces. Though he thought she might just disbelieve patients as a general rule, especially when they were smiling. 

“Kurogane-san and I have been looking all over for you. Why did you run away from him? He was really worried, Fai.” 

Kurogane was helping her look? Did that mean he’d told her why they’d been out on the lawn in the first place, or what had happened? Surely Kurogane wouldn’t say anything like that to a stranger? Fai pushed down a blush and a rush of panic only with great will power, and shrugged. His smile was still fixed on his face. She only sighed, shaking her head, and suddenly he could see why she and Kurogane would get along. 

“Well, come along you. Let’s get you back to bed.” She wedged herself next to him on the bench, placing her shoulder under his arm, the way she’d helped him the first day he’d been getting up. She heaved up, and Fai attempted to follow her, only to find his legs felt like wet noodles, and his eyes saw only black for a long moment at the altitude change. He staggered, and Koroko did too, before plopped him back onto the bench. A jolt of pain went through his wound, and he curled up, groaning. 

“Owww…” He moaned, clutching his side. “Why did you do that??” 

Koroko ignored his words, pursing her lips. 

“I’m going to have to get Kurogane-san to take you to the chair.” She said surveying the landscape. Fai had chosen a bench deep in a twisted bunch of roots, rocks and trees, and there was no way they could get a wheelchair through it. Fai felt a burst of panic at the thought of Kurogane coming, seeing him like this, putting his arms around him to lift him up…

“I can walk!” Fai protested. 

“You can’t.” She said. Then, she leaned close to open his shirt and check his wound. Good, at least she could do some proper nursing after tossing him onto the bench like that. Koroko prodded, and poked, while Fai pouted. 

“Well, you’re not bleeding, so I think you’ll live until I come back with your friend.”

Fai, feeling childish, folded his arms gingerly across the thick bandages around his middle. 

“He’s not my friend.” He said, looking at the ground. 

“Really. I can’t think who else would spend days in your room. God knows I couldn’t, you’re unbearable when you’re bored.” Koroko closed up his shirt, and tied the ties. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” 

Fai slumped as she left. He was not prepared to see Kurogane again, but his strength had betrayed him. He was exhausted, and in pain, and he really just wanted to lay down… In the brief time she disappeared, his energy seemed to deplete more, and he was almost dozing when she returned with his looming ninja. Kurogane looked grumpy and apologetic. 

“You idiot, why’d you run off like that?” He said, standing a small distance away, and looking uncomfortable. Fai lifted his heavy eyelids, and laughed, completely falsely. He wouldn’t admit to a thing in front of Koroko, and Kurogane knew that very well. 

“I was bored, so I wanted to go adventuring!” 

Kurogane’s eyes narrowed, and Fai’s mouth closed. 

“Carry him to the chair. He’s worn himself out, but I don’t think he did any lasting damage.”

Kurogane, perhaps because he was used to taking orders from tiny women, obeyed. He scooped Fai up, bridal style, gently enough to not jostle his wound. This time Fai couldn’t stop the flush that rose up on his cheeks, tensing with embarrassment and trying not to grip Kurogane’s wide shoulders any more than necessary. 

At least Kurogane was quick about it, bringing him out of the woods and to his chair without any lingering. Koroko pushed him back to his room, and to fill the silence, Fai asked Koroko about her date the night before. Both he and Kurogane listened to her rant about how the date had been late, and made her pay, and talked about inane topics all night. Her voice washed over him, as the chair rolled smoothly over stone, and Fai let his mind drift. 

He let both Kurogane and Koroko help him from the chair and into bed. Someone pulled blankets over him, and he was asleep soon after. His last thought was of Kurogane’s lips pressing against his, and the strange chill down his back right before Koroko had touched him. 

Sometime in the night, Fai woke, feeling hot and sick, with pain radiating from his left side. Alone, and in the darkness, he allowed himself to whimper, and shift around, tossing his blankets off, trying to fall back asleep. It was no use, he was awake and he really needed to use the restroom. Groaning, Fai sat up, and waited for the dizziness to clear before grabbing his cane -nicely placed within reach by someone other than himself- to drag himself to the bathroom. His abdominal muscles ached underneath the sharp pain of the wound, and the tug of the stitches, and Fai found himself wondering why one always felt worse at night. 

He hobbled across the hospital room, grumbling as much as Kuro-chi did. 

Once he was done, he wandered back into the room. Fai considered laying back down, but the pain that had woken him was still smarting, and he’d probably be kept awake. He ran a hand through his hair, and then wrinkled his nose. Egh. His scalp was sweaty, as was the rest of him, he’d been wearing the same clothes for two days, and his hair was greasy and lank. Why Kurogane had thought to kiss him in this state was beyond him. Why he wanted to kiss him at all was another mystery, but one he was going to ignore in the dead of night, thank you very much. 

Fai ended up curled under a soft blanket in the visitor’s chair - the same one that Kurogane had sat in for days. Come to think of it, why hadn’t he noticed how often Kurogane was there in his room, enduring Fai’s boredom with - if not patience, then at least tolerance. He’d surely had better things to do, and he definitely could have been spending more time with Sakura, since they so rarely saw her, but instead he’d stayed to entertain him. It was confusing and annoying and Fai huffed, turning his thoughts away from Kurogane and the enigma that made up the ninja. 

That strange shiver came to his mind. 

Uneasiness began to drip down his spine. Fai was beginning to feel sure that he hadn’t just been cold in the garden. His magic had reacted, he knew clearly now, and his magic only reacted in the presence of power. There had been those strange emotions not his own, overwhelming anything he might have been feeling. A definite presence had been near him. 

As if he’d called it up, the feeling began to grow again. Another shiver, stronger this time, shot through his spine and his magic, and gooseflesh rose up along his entire body. Fai pulled his blanket tighter, and watched the room. Was it his imagination, or did the corners of the room seem impossibly dark? The curtains in front of the window shuddered, as if wind was blowing, but he felt nothing. In fact, the room felt oppressive, his breath heavy and cold. Mist rose up in front of his face, and he shivered again. 

Fai again thought of Sakura’s story. He’d played up the twinges of nervousness to please the princess, but the image had stuck in his mind. His heart was pounding...with fear? He’d seen spirits, and demons and monsters before, and only rarely did they make him feel afraid. But he was afraid. His limbs were paralyzed in his chair, and he clutched the blanket, unwilling to look away from window across the room. The curtains were still moving...was there a figure in front of the glass? 

Fai clutched the blanket in front of him like a shield, his breath coming cold and quick. He felt it, the presence of some one else, even though no one had come in the room. Roiling emotions, strong enough to manifest a spirit, coursed through his chest: fear, anger, regret, grief, loneliness. It was as if they were his own. 

He didn’t see anything clearly that night, but at some point he felt the oppression lift, like a boulder had been taken off his chest. Fai found there were tears streaked down his face, but he didn’t remember crying. He was wiping them away then there was a quiet tap, and his door opened. 

Fai started, but again it was only Koroko. She came in, and then stopped, looking alarmed at him in the moonlight. He was sure he looked a state; sweaty with lingering fear, pale with pain, and wiping tears from his face. He had to laugh, though it was a pitiful one. 

“Fai, are you alright?” 

“Fine, I’m fine,” Fai replied, rubbing the blanket across his face once more. 

Koroko moved forward with a nurse’s urgency. “But you’re crying, are you in pain?” 

Fai waved her concerns off. 

“Really, I’m alright. I promise.” He smiled, and it wasn’t even that fake. The emotions that had brought on the weeping were only unpleasant echoes. His own emotions he kept tightly locked up, as per the usual, so they wouldn’t be the ones causing a fit in the middle of the night (though Sakura and others might say that it would be healthier should that be the case). Koroko relaxed a little. 

“A dream?” 

Fai shrugged. “Something like that.” 

She continued looking at him, and Fai shifted a little. Her perceptive eyes felt like Kurogane’s. 

“It’s okay to be upset.” 

Fai smiled. “Be that as it may, I am alright.” 

In the darkness, her features looked forlorn, and sad and Fai realized that she wasn’t supposed to be here. It was surely too late for her shift. He only occasionally missed being a vampire, but now the night vision would have been nice to more clearly see her face. He got the sense that something was wrong.

“What about you? Isn’t your shift over?”

She shrugged, looking down. The silhouette of her shoulders were bowed. 

“I just...didn’t want to go home.” 

Fai felt a dart of concern, overlaid with the relief of a distraction from his own distress. He sat up straighter, and gestured for her to sit on the edge of the bed. With the moonlight facing her, he could now see her face clearer, and she looked close to tears. 

“What’s the matter, Koroko-san?

She sighed, and rubbed her her eyes. 

“It’s just...this time last year, my best friend died. We lived together, and it’s hard to be alone at home.”

Fai reached out, and gently touched the back of her hand. 

“Koroko-san, I’m so sorry about that.” 

She twisted her mouth into a helpless smile, shaking her head. 

“It was an accident. She was working in construction, and a building that wasn’t finished collapsed in a sand storm. She didn’t make it out.” 

Fai watched her sit in sadness for a moment. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Do you...do you want to talk about it…?” Fai asked finally, feeling supremely uncomfortable. That was the thing to ask, wasn’t it? 

Koroko smiled at him. “I know you’re just asking to be polite, Fai. It’s fine. I miss her, is all. Her name was Midori. She was amazing, and beautiful. She had black hair, and her eyes were the prettiest shade of blue, with one brown speck in the left one. Almost as pretty as your eyes.” Suddenly she was teasing, and the mood was broken. 

Fai grinned, and poked the back of her hand. 

“Blue eyes aren’t as pretty as brown ones. Yours are like melted milk chocolate, Koroko-san!” 

“Careful, your ninja’s going to get jealous.” She laughed, and Fai’s laughed stalled in shock. 

“My ninja…?” It wasn’t anything that hadn’t been said before; not when Fai always claimed most of Kurogane’s attention and personal space as his own. Other people saw what they wished, but Fai had always thought it was a game. Wished it wasn’t, but it was comfortable to keep it on the surface. If it was indeed in earnest that Kurogane had held his hand and kissed him--

Koroko was laughing. “I’m sorry, Fai. I don’t mean to tease you! You should see your face, though!” 

Fai blushed, feeling a flash of irritation. Yet he smiled. “He would yell so much to hear you say that.” 

Koroko took a breath, and stood. She peered at him. “Somehow, I don’t think he would.” Fai could say nothing, but she didn’t mind. “Well, let’s get you back in bed.” 

While she moved around checking the night nurse’s duties off her list (since she was there anyway), Fai looked past her, towards the window in the room. Kurogane aside, there had been a lot of revelations this past day. Poor Koroko was mourning a loss that Fai didn’t want to contemplate. And, there was still the mystery of whatever spirit he’d felt earlier in the evening, just before Koroko came in. There was no trace of a figure now. This spirit seemed to have decided that Fai was an empathetic soul, and latched on to him. Troublesome, perhaps, but Fai thought that he could help it. He wanted to help it.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day, Fai was told that he could be released tomorrow, barring any relapses or stupidity on his part. Kurogane thought this was a terrible idea, and expressed it by glowering at the doctor. He had taken Fai’s stitches out. and the idiot was listening to the doctor with rapt attention- all the better to not let his eyes stray to Kurogane lurking in the corner. Fai hadn’t spoken more than a polite ‘good morning’ to him all day. Thank goodness he hadn’t used his full name, but still the walls between them had been slammed into place. 

Kurogane was furious with himself. 

And now with the doctor pronouncing Fai almost healed, he could leave the almost constant observation of Kurogane (with the excuse of visiting a sick bed) and Kurogane had an only somewhat irrational fear that Fai would up and disappear. 

The doctor left, and Kurogane watched the tension rise in Fai’s shoulders, as they were left alone together. He hadn’t wanted to let Kurogane in, and had pretended to be asleep for part of the visit. For a long moment, Kurogane didn’t say anything and watched Fai decide what to do. In a moment, a fake smile turned towards him, and Kurogane felt such a pain in his chest, he thought he must have winced. 

“Isn’t that great news, Kuro-tan?” Fai said, something brittle in his eyes. Kurogane dropped his gaze, and shoved his hands into his pockets. They weren’t trembling, but it took great determination. 

“Mn,” He replied, and was grateful that Fai could take that and run with it. It wasn’t in him to talk to Fai right now, not when that bright insubstantial conversation was all that Fai would give him. Fai had decided it never happened, and to treat him as such, and he never knew it would _hurt_ this much. 

Fai was fussing with his blankets, starting to chatter like he did. 

“I meant to tell you, I think there’s a ghost in this room.” He said. “Last night, and in the garden as well, I felt it.” 

Frowning, Kurogane stared at a splotch of color in the stone of the floor. It was blue, and jagged like frost on a window. 

“I think you’re mixing up Sakura’s story with real life.” He said. “And avoiding…” That last part was low, and Fai pretended not to hear.

“There wasn’t any figure by my window, but I really did feel something strange. Like a presence. She was upset, I think.” 

Kurogane sighed. “She?” 

Fai nodded, rubbing his chin. “It felt like a she. I’m not really sure though. I’d like to help her!” 

“What could you do?” It was hard to keep an accusation from his voice. Fai cut him a glance, and suddenly the air between them was jagged. 

“Why, help her move on, of course.” Fai sang, clasping his hands but not looking at Kurogane. “Spirits only stay around when they have unfinished business.” 

Unfinished business. And Fai, _Fai_ , was going to resolve it for them. Fai, who wouldn’t resolve anything between them, and wouldn’t even _look_ at him, was going to help a spirit into the next world. This idiot was going to be the death of him! Then he could be the spirit, and Fai would only then resolve his unfinished business, namely the wizard’s stupidness! 

Kurogane pushed off the wall with his shoulder, and moved towards the door. Fai looked up, like he was oblivious, like he didn’t know what he’d been doing. 

“Kuro-sama, where are you going?” He asked, voice quiet, and even a tiny bit ashamed. Kurogane didn’t turn around. He breathed through his nose, anger and pain not allowed to show in his voice at all. 

“Gonna go find the kids. The Princess will want to know.” 

He heard Fai smile, and sigh a laugh, and make those little noises he made. “Of course.”

Kurogane left Fai there, and went in search of the others. His anger was fading, at least at Fai. At himself, and his decision making skills, that was another matter. 

Syaoran and Sakura were in the sitting area of the hallway, around the corner from Fai’s room, standing in a sunny window. They looked so happy, and for a second Kurogane felt a pang that he resolutely pushed down. It was good to see the kids smiling. Especially Sakura warmed his heart a little. It was good to see the Princess again, even if the clone one they’d known longer was still missing. It was hard to keep it straight that these two _weren’t_ the ones they’d started traveling with; they were the same and different, but Kurogane found it didn’t really matter. He loved all four of the kids, and he would give anything for Syaoran’s wish to come true and to find the other two. 

As he got closer, the white lump on the Princess’ shoulder squeaked and leapt at him, smacking its furry body into his face. 

“Kurogane, is Fai going to be alright? Why was he so upset this morning?” Mokona squeaked, as soon as Kurogane had pulled it away from his face. The little face was worried, biting tiny lips. Dammit, apparently they’d noticed how out of sorts Fai was this morning. Not knowing what to tell them about that, and knowing he’d blush if he thought about it too much, he focused on the first question. 

“He’s fine. The doctor said he could be discharged tomorrow morning, if all goes well.” 

Sakura and Syaoran’s faces brightened. “Oh, Kurogane-san, that’s such good news!” The Princess said, clasping her hands. Kurogane’s face softened, and he put the hand not holding Mokona on her head. She beamed up at him. 

“You must be so relieved.” She said quietly, looking intently into his face. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, as if she’d witnessed the kiss in the garden yesterday, Kurogane broke away, dropping Mokona onto Syaoran’s head. 

“We all are. The idiot doesn’t stay down for long, that’s for sure.” He said gruffly. 

Kurogane gestured for them to go on into the room, and Syaoran smiled as he took Mokona down from his head. 

“I’m glad he’s going to be alright.” Syaoran said, putting a hand on Kurogane’s shoulder. He didn’t even have to reach as far lately. Dammit, why were these kids acting like they needed to reassure Kurogane personally that Fai would be okay, like he was a worried wife waiting at the bedside. Was he that obvious? Or maybe these two were just perceptive. 

It struck him how very much of the past week had been spent at Fai’s bedside. 

Kurogane grunted at the kid, and Syaoran moved off, taking Mokona with him. Distantly, he heard the small bun squeak as it probably jumped onto Fai’s head. 

Sakura hung back by the window, turning to look up at him with a thoughtful look on her face. Anyone else he would have snapped at, feeling as vulnerable as he did, but the Princess didn’t deserve that.

“What is it?” He said, frowning instead. 

She sighed, her face transforming into one of sympathy. “Your talk with Fai-san didn’t go well, I take it.” 

Kurogane turned his head, the sun from the window falling on his face. That was enough of an answer for the princess. 

“Did you tell him?” She asked softly. 

He knew what she meant. It embarrassed him that she could ask so frankly. He rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Wasn’t much talking…” He muttered. She raised an eyebrow in humor, and he suddenly spluttered, realizing that that had sounded like there had been _other_ things happening instead- “Wasn’t much of anything. He ran away.”  
The moment of humor passed, and Sakura looked towards Fai’s room with a sad smile. 

“That doesn’t surprise me. He’s so caring, so loving towards everyone and anyone. But when that same care and love is directed back at him, he feels he doesn’t deserve it, even after all this time with us.” 

Kurogane’s ears went red at the word ‘love’, but he was feeling upset enough to ignore the discomfort. It was enough of the truth anyway.

“He deserves it.” He growled. He deserved all of it and more. Sometimes, Kurogane wished he could just grab Fai’s shoulders and _shake_ him, until he understood how important he was, how loved he was. 

Sakura watched his anger, looking solemn and knowing. 

“Something in Fai-san tells him he doesn’t. You’ll have to convince him he does.” 

Kurogane snorted. “Easier said than done.” 

She nodded, and then turned to face him. 

“You’re a good man, Kurogane-san.” She put her hands around his right one. “Fai-san is lucky to be loved by one like you, lucky to have you at his side so faithfully.” 

Kurogane squeezed her hands, gratitude and sudden sadness rising in him. Sakura didn’t get to travel with them, and thus was divided from her love. Syaoran could visit, but only occasionally, and meanwhile the princess waited in Clow Country for happenstances such as now, when they could come. This was only the second time in their years of travel that they’d ended up here, and even now her time was divided from the kid between the rest of them. 

“Thank you, Princess.” Kurogane bowed his head. 

____

 

When it was Syaoran who entered the hospital room, instead of a certain ninja, something in Fai’s stomach shivered with relief. No Kurogane meant no dreaded talk. Now if he could just avoid him until the whole thing until it blew over, then everything could go back to normal. 

“Syaoran-kun! Just the man I wanted to see!” Fai smiled from the edge of his bed as Syaoran came closer.  
Mokona, who was perched on the top of Syaoran’s head leapt off to land in Fai’s hands. 

“Fai, you’re getting better and better!” It exclaimed, and Syaoran smiled too. 

“Fai-san, I’m glad to hear you’re going to be alright.” 

Fai grinned at them both. “I’ll soon be right as rain!”

Mokona cuddled up against Fai’s chest, looking suddenly subdued. 

“Mokona was very worried.” Its little voice was quiet. That the creature was distressed was obvious, but Fai hadn’t expected to elicit such concern. He had been unconscious for long enough that most of his ills had faded significantly. Healing spells certainly did work well, and a lingering pain at the wound was the only thing that still bothered him.

“I’m sorry, Mokona-chan. It’s alright now.” Fai responded.

Mokona peeked up at him from Fai’s arms. “But you weren’t alright this morning. You were upset.” A quick glance at Syaoran confirmed that he had noticed too, and definitely Sakura had. He felt that familiar exposed feeling that he often got since his past had been revealed to them all, save Sakura. They were all entirely too perceptive. 

Fai laughed lightly, attempting to throw off the concern. 

“That was nothing to worry about. Just a slight misunderstanding…” 

“Between you and Kurogane-san?” Syaoran asked, and Fai smiled blankly. Syaoran looked far too knowing for his age, even his true age and not the physical one. “You should talk to him. He really cares about you.” 

Well, that wasn’t really the question, was it? The question was why, why now, and what did he expect Fai to do about it? Fai waved a hand. 

“Yes, yes, we’ll patch this up, don’t you worry. It was nothing terribly important anyway.” Fai said, before sitting forward. “Anyway, Syaoran, there was something that happened last night that I wanted to tell you!”

Syaoran raised his eyebrows. “What was it?” He quickly detailed the two encounters for the boy. Syaoran looked pensive. 

“I wonder if Princess Sakura has noticed anything?” Syaoran murmured, rubbing his chin with a finger. Fai remembered Sakura’s talent for ghosts but remembered that she hadn’t come back with Kurogane, and thus was probably with him out in the hall. It didn’t seem like either of them to go far. If finding Sakura meant finding Kurogane, then he’d rather not, thanks. 

“I’m sure she could provide some valuable insight, but for the moment…” Fai saw his chance for escape and he took it. “I was hoping I could enlist both of your help?”


	6. Chapter 6

Kurogane had the sudden impression that Fai was being an idiot. He paused in front of Sakura, and frowned as he listened. 

“Does it seem too quiet to you?” He asked. The room down the hall, which had been filled with muffled squeals from the pork bun, and murmuring from Fai and Syaoran, was now noiseless. Sakura tilted her head towards Fai’s room. 

“I can’t hear Mokona at all.” And Kurogane knew that even if Fai was, by chance, being quiet, Mokona would not be. He didn’t even have to go in. He knew. They were gone. 

“Dammit, Mage!” Kurogane turned on his heel and jogged into Fai’s room. Sakura was right behind him. The door was open, showing off a mussed bed and no sign of the wizard. That stupid idiot. 

Kurogane, feeling a level of exasperation that only one person in all the worlds could incite in him, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Sakura put both hands on her hips and breathed out heavily. “Well, at least Syaoran is with him.” She said, as if that made it better. Fai had the ability and momentum to drag that kid into anything, though at least his presence would stop them from doing anything _really_ stupid. Hopefully. 

“Arghh…” Kurogane groaned. “I’m gonna have to go find him.” The idiot would probably hurt himself again, and Kurogane would have to drag him back to bed, like he had last night. 

Sakura nodded fiercely. She looked determined. “We’ll find him! I’ll ask the nurses to help.”

Kurogane waved a hand. “C’mon then.” 

They both turned, only to almost bowl over a tiny figure, leaving Kurogane with an intense feeling of deja vu. Koroko stepped back again, agile out of long practice probably, and put her hands on her hips. 

“Don’t tell me. You can’t find him either?” She snapped, her glasses flashing. Kurogane and Sakura glanced at each other and then back to her in answer. Koroko rolled her eyes. 

“The dope is running around terrorizing other patients, apparently.” She said, turning back towards the hallways. She glanced back with a glare when they didn’t move. “Well, come on, help me look for him!” 

Kurogane started at the order, and ran without hesitation. 

____

“Fai-san, are you sure this is a good idea?” 

Fai, wrapped in a warm robe, peeked around the corner. “The doctor said I could move around more, and I’ve got my cane.” Fai wiggled the length of carved wood. It was nice, far nicer than one would expect in a public hospital. Then again, that was true of everything here.

Syaoran was standing close behind him, peeking out around Fai’s shoulders. Mokona had been ecstatic to go with Fai’s plan. Syaoran, not so much. 

“Then why didn’t you want Kurogane-san to see?” Syaoran asked, whispering. Fai huffed. Fai had been zealous at his sneaking, and using advantageous door frames and corners, had evaded the ninja’s sight as he’d left his room. 

“Kuro-pi is overprotective. I’ll be fine. After all, you’ll be with me, right, Syaoran-kun?”

“Well, yes…” 

“Then, come on. We’ll solve this mystery together!” 

Mokona jumped from Syaoran’s head to Fai’s, quietly crowing. “It’s a mystery! A mystery!”

Fai took one glance around. Still no sight of Kurogane looking for him. Two breaths, and then, Fai dashed through the open hallways, with a startled Syaoran behind him, and Mokona in his arms. 

“Wheee!” Mokona cried out. 

“Wait, Fai-san, I don’t think you’re supposed to be running!” 

“Then you’d better catch up!” Fai called back in a shouty whisper. He really wasn’t supposed to be running, and like yesterday, his side was giving him no end of grief about it. But it was fun to romp again. Syaoran was growing up every day, and he was already far too serious. It was good for him for Fai to act ridiculous every once in a while, and to drag him along on escapades. 

What followed was a slightly absurd (even for Fai’s standards) sneak through the hospital. Fai peered into each room they passed, looking for someone to interrogate. There had to be someone else who’d felt or seen this ghost. Sakura had gotten the story from a worker in this hospital, but she was friends with everyone, so that didn’t even narrow it down. And he was a resident, so perhaps others who were staying here also saw the spector.   
Fai had attempted to enter a few rooms, with Mokona raring and ranting about wanting to play the ‘bad cop’, but Syaoran stopped him every time. 

“The ones in their rooms aren’t feeling good, you shouldn’t bother them.” He said seriously. 

Fai pouted, but agreed, searching out the common room he’d been told about. In the large open space, couches, chairs and tables sat arranged in small groupings, and a bay of windows sent in a glow of light through the curtains. There were probably ten patients in there. Fai stepped forward, almost as graceful with the cane as without it, in his opinion. 

“Hello, good sir, young lad!” He said to a man staring intently at a game board of some sort. There was a younger boy sitting across from him. They were both patients, wearing the same pyjama-y clothes that Fai was wearing. At his greeting, they both looked up. They didn’t look happy to be interrupted. 

“Hn?” The older man grunted, sounding so much like Kurogane that Fai had to hold back a smile. 

Mokona took that opportunity to leap from Syaoran’s head, and land on the game table. It’s little face was drawn in a scowl. 

“Where were you last night at ten fifty seven p.m.?!” The creature demanded, looking adorably serious. The older man just blinked, and the boy was ignoring them completely, focused on his pieces. Mokona didn’t like being dismissed, though. 

“I asked you a question!” Fai saw it raise its foot to kick at a game piece, and hurriedly lifted Mokona from the table. It was squirming, but Fai kept his grip, and grinning in apology at the two men who were now visibly annoyed. 

“Terribly sorry about my companion! It meant nothing by it.”

“What do you want?” The man growled. 

“Simply to ask you a question. Have either of you felt any presences around here lately? Strange feelings in the hospital corridors? A chill when the air is warm?”

The man was scrunching up his face in incredulity. “What the hell are you talking about, boy? 

Fai laughed lightly, still holding on to a complaining Mokona (“But, Faaaiiiii, I wanted to be the bad cop…”) 

“I’m just looking for anything suspicious going on.”

“Suspicious like what?”

Fai shrugged elaborately. “Well, like ghosts, spirits, the like.” 

The old man’s face only got more disbelieving. “Are you right in the head? Is he right in the head?” He turned to Syaoran now, as the voice of reason apparently. That happened so often. Syaoran smiled awkwardly. 

“He’s ...just curious.” He said, and the man humphed. 

“He’s a nuisance.”

“There are many that would agree with that!” Fai said, merrily. “I take it that you haven’t seen anything of that nature, so I leave you to your game.” 

They moved away, but Fai was aware of eyes on his back. A glance showed it was the younger boy, who hadn’t spoken. He was staring intensely at him, but he looked away as soon as Fai had shown he’d noticed. Odd. He’d have to pay attention to the boy. 

The next few interrogations went as before, with Fai and Mokona’s questions greeted with annoyance, and Syaoran smoothing things over as they moved on. No one had anything to say. 

“I heard you ask _him_!” A disheveled lady snapped, and at that point a nurse told them to leave the common area. 

“So sorry to disturb!” Fai fluttered, and they avoided getting into actual trouble. In the hallway, Fai didn’t allow himself to feel discouraged. Putting his fists on his hips, he turned to address his men. “Alright, Mokona-chan, Syaoran-kun. This is but a temporary setback. We _will_ find a new lead, and we _will_ get to the bottom of this, so do not feel daunted by the bar that has been placed upon us!” 

Mokona leapt onto Fai’s shoulder, and Fai pointed into the air to march forward. Syaoran, looking slightly alarmed at Fai’s dramatics, followed after, stepping completely out of beat with Mokona’s marching tune. Fai was getting the unflattering impression that Syaoran was only going along with it in order to make sure he didn’t do anything particularly stupid. 

They moved forward, and accosted a couple more people in the halls, before Fai’s energy began flagging. He wasn’t in any way close to healed, and his side was being troublesome. He leaned more heavily on his cane, until he noticed Syaoran looking at him, and straightened up. 

“Come on, Syaoran-kun. This ghost won’t find itself.” Fai said, keeping all the pain off his face with care. Syaoran gave him a skeptical look. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to go back to your room?”

“Why would I want to do that? I think we got a few valuable leads!”

Syaoran still hadn’t changed his expression from disbelieving concern. “What leads?”

Fai just smiled enigmatically, and left it at that. 

_‘Cough!’_

Fai blinked at the noise, and he turned to look down the hall where the coughing had come from. It was that child, the one who’d been playing the board game. He watched Fai come closer suspiciously, as though he was afraid he would be caught. 

Fai put out his arm, catching Syaoran’s torso. 

“Look.” Fai murmured, pointing his chin towards the end of the hall, where the child crouched. Syaoran paused as well, recognizing him instantly. 

“You think he knows something?” He asked seriously, and Fai couldn’t resist a grin. 

“Why, Syaoran-kun, are you getting invested in my little mystery?” 

Syaoran didn’t respond. His eyes were on their watcher as he began to gesture them to come closer. 

“I think he wants to talk to us at least.” He said. Fai straightened up, gripping the cane a little tighter as the motion pulled his side. 

“Well, let’s go talk to him them.” Fai said. 

As they approached, the child broke into a coughing fit. Mokona jumped down to Fai’s hand on the cane, and bounced in anxiety. 

“Are you alright?” It squeaked. The boy nodded, coughing a few more times. He was pale, and sickly looking, like he’d lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time. 

“Should you be up and about?” Fai asked, and received a shake of the head. 

“I’m not supposed to without a wheelchair, but I had to come talk to you-” He coughed again, and Syaoran put a hand out, to catch him in case he fell. 

“We should get you back in bed.” Syaoran said to him. He shook his head. Fai stepped a little closer, putting a hand on the boy’s shoulder. 

“What’s your name?” He asked, gently smiling. This seemed to put him at ease, and he slumped his little shoulders. 

“You’re going to listen?” He asked, and Fai nodded empathically. 

“Wholeheartedly. I’m Fai, by the way, and don’t you worry, I’ll stop mean old Syaoran-kun from sending you to bed. Now,” Fai crouched down, ignoring the pang that shuddered through his side and all the way up his spine, suppressing the grunt of pain, though Syaoran caught the wince. “Tell me your name, and how I can help you.” 

The boy smiled and nodded. “Susumu,” He said, still a bit breathless from his coughing. “And you’ve seen her too, haven’t you?”

Fai raised his eyebrows. 

“You know the ghost woman?” 

Susumu nodded quickly. “A few people have. She’s not very strong. You must be sensitive.” 

Fai pondered this. He never had had trouble with spirits before, but he did possess magical power, that potentially could draw such things. That and Fai’s willingness to help could certainly have gained the attention of a weaker spirit who just needed help to move on. 

“You’re sensitive too?” 

Susumu now bowed his head. “I almost died a month ago. I’m almost better, but since then I ...I see things.”  
Syaoran looked solemnly at them, perhaps thinking of Sakura seeing spirits. “Are you okay?” 

The boy shrugged. Fai felt sympathy for him; this would be a hardship for his whole life. 

“Is there anyone else who can see her, or who might be connected?” 

Susumu thought for a moment. “I think she knows that nurse, Koroko-san. She’s always following her.” 

Fai’s eyes widened. Koroko, his own nurse? She had shown up both times he’d felt the ghost woman’s presence. Had she been the one to tell Sakura that story?

“Can she see the ghost?” 

Susumu shook his head. Fai frowned. 

“Susumu-kun, can you find me if you feel her again? I’m in room 207.”

The boy nodded fiercely, suppressing another cough. Syaoran leaned over Fai’s shoulder, looking at Susumu seriously. 

“About what you told us, you should talk to Princess Sakura. She can feel things too, she’ll understand.” 

Fai watched Susumu nod again, and then turn and disappear around the corner. Fai let him go, thankful for his help, before pushing himself to his feet. 

Or, well, attempting. He gripped the cane as he crouched, and it should have been easy to pull himself to his feet using it, but his stomach muscles all protested, and his arms shook with the effort... of not moving upwards at all. 

Dammit. 

“Ehem... Syaoran-kun?” Fai glanced upwards at the teenager standing above him. “Perhaps you could help me up?” 

Syaoran’s eyes widened, and he bent down to pull Fai into a standing position, tugging on his arms and then supporting him around his waist until he got his balance. Fai winced, but didn’t make a sound, and pulled away as soon as he thought he could stand without falling over. His head spun dully, but he’d stood up rather fast. 

“Many thanks, Syaoran-kun.” Fai said, brushing off his pyjama shirt, and adjusting his cane. Syaoran was watching him a _bit_ too carefully, but Fai ignored that with a flourish. “Well! I think we should definitely find Koroko-san.”

Syaoran frowned at him, and Fai ignored that too. “You think she’s connected?”

“I don’t know.” Fai frowned, putting a finger on his chin. It surprised him to think of sweet, feisty Koroko being involved in spirits of any sort, but one never knew with these types of things. Though no doing of her own, Koroko may have gotten caught up in something she had no idea of. Perhaps it was someone she knew in life? 

Fai felt like he was forgetting something… a recent death? Perhaps if he didn’t feel so groggy he could think. He shivered suddenly, and blinked.

What? 

He was cold, and a pressure in his head made him close his eyes and rub his temples. When he opened his eyes, he say Syaoran looking closely at him. 

“You do need to lay down!” He said. “You suddenly went white as a ghost.” 

“I’m fine,” Fai laughed lightly over the churning in his belly, the emotions choking his throat. This was the ghost again. He was sure of it. It was the woman. He turned, and peered down the empty hallway. There were shadows in the corners, and gooseflesh crawling up and down Fai’s arms. The power, for power it was, even if Fai could tell that it was weak, was gathering, solidifying in the walkway. 

“Syaoran-kun,” Fai whispered, over the beginning of the boys protest. “She’s returned.”

__________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for both the spam and the long wait. I had tons hand written, but less time to type, and then I also forgot to update on this website for a long time.... If you were following on ff dot net, then you saw all this, but there is a new chapter, and I'm extremely close to being done altogether. Thanks for sticking with me!


	7. Chapter 7

Syaoran didn’t verbally react, and Fai didn’t pull his eyes away from the spot until abruptly, the presence pulled back. Not dissipating however, but moving. She was leaving. 

Fai stumbled forward, catching himself with the cane. 

“Come on Syaoran-kun, she’s going this way!” 

Fai rushed off, and Syaoran followed with alarm. Mokona squeaked and held on to his shoulder. He raced as quickly as he could through the hallways, following the feeling; his heart was pounding, and his chest was tight with emotions not his own, layered with a desperation to help that he wouldn’t analyze. Syaoran was easily walking as fast as Fai, and was pulling on one of his sleeves. 

“Fai-san, please, you have to slow down! You’re going to hurt yourself!” He said.. 

“Fai, please!” Mokona tugged on his collar.

But Fai didn’t listen to them. The presence couldn’t speak, but she was leading him somewhere. She wanted him to follow her, and Fai _had_ to. The ghost woman’s yearning for help, for absolution was overwhelming, so much so that Fai didn’t notice when he’d walked straight into the very people he was trying to avoid. 

“Fai!” A new voice startled him, and Fai stumbled, jolting so hard he nearly lost his balance. Directly in front of him, halfway through a dim hallway, was Koroko. The presence had led him straight here. It was so intense that Fai thought he’d choke, but then it abruptly dissipated, as if she suddenly lost all strength. Fai gasped at the release, and stared at Koroko. 

Absently, he realized that she looked very angry. 

“Fai, _what_ are you doing? I heard you have been terrorizing patients with questions about ghosts?” She had her hands on her hips, eyes narrowed behind her glasses. 

Fai gaped at her. He really had no answer. The evidence of her connection was clear, as the presence had led him straight to her, but he didn’t know what to do from there. The ghost had vanished…

Wait. The feeling was trickling back in. The feeling of frustration, of longing was pressing on his mind, and he knew that the poor woman was struggling to manifest. 

Then, a hand gripped his elbow and wheeled him around, breaking him out of his daze with a painful jerk. 

“What the hell have you been doing?” Kurogane growled in his face, and the weak feeling snapped, as if Kurogane had startled her. Fai frowned. Kurogane was angry, holding his arm too tightly and glaring at him. The chill that had been along his body had vanished leaving room for a hot flash of anger. Who was he to yank him around; making moves in their relationship and then to yell at him the same as ever? 

Fai ripped his arm away, pasting a bright smile on his face- the utterly fake one that Kurogane hated. 

“Why Kuro-tan, I’m just finding out information on the ghost. I felt it again, you know. I think I’ve got a few good leads, and-”

Kurogane growled, and grabbed Fai’s collar, dragging him up into his face. 

“I don’t give a damn about the stupid ghost! You and I both know why you’re doing this!” 

Fai pried at Kurogane’s fingers, but they wouldn’t move. Both natural strength, machinery and anger held him tight in place, locked inches from Kurogane’s eyes. He was glaring straight at him, seemingly oblivious to the shocked looks of Syaoran, Koroko, and oh, look the Princess and Mokona were watching as well. Kuro-sama always did have such great timing. Very well, if he wanted to do this here, _then so be it._

“Oh? Why don’t you enlighten me, Kurogane? Why am I doing this?” Fai snarled, digging his nails into Kurogane’s human wrist. Kurogane bared his teeth, shaking Fai’s collar. 

“If you want to run around after your ghost stories, that’s fine by me, but at least admit that you’re only doing this to avoid talking to me.” 

Fai clenched his jaw. Was that the truth? Probably. Fai would do this much and more to avoid uncomfortableness, and/or truth telling. But he wasn’t very well going to tell Kurogane that. This was all Kurogane’s fault in the first place!

Kurogane’s scowl deepened, and then faded into something like disappointment. 

“Forget it,” He released him, and stepped back. “Forget everything.” 

_______

Kurogane felt everyone’s eyes on him, but he was suddenly too tired, too worn to even react. The kids looked surprised and sad, and Koroko was confused. Fai himself was still staring at him, having not moved since Kurogane had got out of his personal space. His face was a blank stare. 

It all reminded him of those awful months after Tokyo. Fai would look at him with nothing in his eyes. Had it hurt this much before? Those times, he’d been able to brush it off, to continue on like it was nothing. How had he stood it? 

Kurogane ‘tched’ and turned away, angry at his hurt. Angry that Fai seemed to feel nothing. He heard Fai’s nurse step forward, and began prodding Fai to go back to bed, and good, the idiot needed to lay down anyway. 

“I’m fine,” Fai said, sounding breathless. Then he made a noise of surprise, whispering. “She’s back...”

Kurogane turned back around in time to see Fai lunge towards Koroko, and grip her shoulders. The cane clattered to the ground, and Koroko stepped back in alarm. Fai was looking at her with an almost crazed look on his face. 

“Nurse-san,” He gasped, and Kurogane moved forward to drag him off of her. What the hell was going on? “You have to have felt that?”

“Hey, let go of her-”

“Fai-san!” The Princess piped, but Fai ignored them both.

Koroko was obviously well trained, and she just raised her hands out to the side, non-threatening and letting Fai hang on her. 

“What did I feel?” She asked, nonplussed and calm. Fai shook his head. 

“The ghost! She was here, she’s appeared every time you show up. There has to be a connection!” 

Fai’s face grew more frantic at Koroko’s lack of understanding, and he gripped her shoulders tighter. Kurogane stepped close, ready to knock the man out and swing him over to shoulder to take him to his room. A look from Koroko stopped him. 

“Tell me about the ghost.” She said, calmly, and Fai shuddered in frustration. 

“The ghost knows you! It follows you around. You can’t feel it!?” 

Koroko wasn’t alarmed, but Kurogane was, as were the kids and Mokona. Kurogane gestured for the others to stay quiet, and put his hands out. 

“Fai, you need to calm down,” he said. Fai wasn’t listening. His eyes were jumping around, but not fixing on anything. He seemed to have completely forgotten their fight, or that they all were even there watching. He released Koroko, stumbling backwards to look behind her. Kurogane could see nothing, but that didn’t stop Fai from staring at the spot. 

Sakura, who been watching Fai’s meltdown with alarm, suddenly shivered, and moved her gaze to where Fai was looking. She could see whatever he was seeing. 

“Princess?” Syaoran questioned, noticing her demeanor the same time that Kurogane did. “Can you see it?” 

“You mean there is something there?” Kurogane demanded. Sakura nodded, and Kurogane felt a flash of relief that there wasn’t something more seriously wrong with Fai than usual. 

Koroko was confused, stepping backwards, away from the point that Fai and Sakura were looking at. 

“What’s happening.” She said, alarm in her voice. Fai blinked, and turned towards her, looking desperately sad. 

“She’s here to talk to you…” He whispered. 

Sakura stepped forward. “She is here. She’s trying to communicate with us, but she’s too weak.” Sakura bowed her head. “She’s crying.” 

Kurogane didn’t quite know what was going on, but he could feel the sadness emanating from Fai, and Sakura, and perhaps...perhaps from the atmosphere itself. Like he was feeling the spirit too, some of the desperation trickled into his own chest. He was the least spiritually minded person alive, but there _was_ something. 

Fai breathed in sharply, as if he’d thought of something, and then raised up two fingers to write runes in the air. As his magic usually did, the shapes glowed purple and spiralled out towards the spot they concentrated on. They flowed and formed a barrier around what was emerging from nothingness: a figure of a woman, with blue eyes and long black hair and wearing hospital clothes like Fai’s. Koroko gasped.

Fai sucked in a breath; Kurogane’s head swiveled towards him, and then his hands soon followed, catching his elbow as he wobbled. That bit of power seemed to be weakening him, and quickly too. He wasn’t healed enough to lend out his magic to a sad looking ghost, but that was Fai for you. 

Still, his eyes were focused on the ghost, and Koroko, standing nearest. Her hands covered her mouth, and Kurogane thought he’d missed something. 

“You’re Midori, aren’t you?” Fai asked, short of breath. “You’re Koroko’s best friend.” 

Midori nodded, and Koroko sobbed once. Kurogane didn’t know the backstory here, but Fai apparently did, because Koroko was staring at the ghost with a lost expression. 

“Midori?” Tears were falling down her face. Fai’s fingers were shaking as he held the flow of magic that allowed the form in front of them to stand there. She smiled softly, and nodded. 

“Hi, Koko.” Midori whispered, and her voice had an odd quality, like it was coming from far away. 

“Dori!” Koroko sobbed, looking like she wanted to run forward and embrace her friend. She was so insubstantial though. Fai’s magic was flickering, and Fai was too. They didn’t have much time. Sakura stepped forward a little, coming up on the other side of Fai, walking towards Koroko. She’d dealt with things like this before. She put a hand on Koroko’s arm, and looked towards the spirit. 

“Midori,” Sakura started, looking more wise than her years would suggest. It was obvious she was a princess in every way. 

“You’re still here. Is there something you wish for? Something you want to say?” 

Midori flickered for a moment, and Fai pushed a little harder, breath coming jagged, wavering on his feet. Kurogane moved a little closer to him, ready to catch him the moment he fell.

“Koko,” Midori said again, fondly. “I’m sorry to stay like this…”

Koroko stepped forward in distress. 

“Why...why did you need to…?” 

Midori smiled, and she looked...peaceful. 

“I couldn’t go on…” She murmured. “Not without telling you… I’ll go after that. I won’t linger anymore.” 

Koroko sniffed. “Tell me what?” 

“I just want you to know…” Midori trailed off, and Kurogane suppressed a bite of impatience. Get on with it, this power won’t last forever. 

As if triggered by the thought, Fai’s knees picked that moment to buckle. Midori didn’t waver though, and Kurogane saw that Fai was still holding his hand up, streaming magic into the ghost. Kurogane caught him, grabbing him around the waist, slinging his other arm over his shoulder. This was too much for him; he was no where near healed enough to be flinging his magic around. 

Sakura gave Koroko an encouraging look, and she swallowed, asking again. 

“What did you want to tell me?” 

Midori smiled gently. 

“I love you.” 

Koroko gave a wet laugh. 

“I know that. Dori, you’re my best friend.”

There was a long pause, and Midori shook her head. 

“Not like that.” 

Koroko gaped, and Kurogane felt a bit of a shock ripple through him. This situation seemed pretty familiar; if only his own confession of the same had been so simple. Midori giggled. 

“You were always so dense, Koko.” She laughed, looking at ease. Her image was beginning to flicker more. “I do love you. I just wanted you to know.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to ruin what we had.” 

“But...Midori…” Koroko was wide eyed. 

“It’s okay. I’m ready now.” Midori looked to Fai, who swallowed and steeled himself, fingers clenching in the cloth at Kurogane’s shoulder. He could feel him panting against his side. 

Koroko shook her head desperately. “No, please, don’t… don’t go…” 

“It’s alright…” Midori said. Koroko sniffed again, and breathed deeply. 

“I’m so sorry…” Koroko said. “I’ll miss you…” 

Midori nodded at Fai, and with a long breath, the magic flowing from Fai’s fingers slowed. 

“Please be happy, my friend.” Midori said, as her image dimmed.

“You too.” 

Midori faded quickly, until she was only a hint of a image, and then she was gone. 

With the disconnection of his magic, Fai shuddered and collapsed completely. Kurogane caught him against his side, but Fai wasn’t unconscious, and he struggled forward. 

“Koroko,” Fai gasped, looking over at the nurse. She’d fallen to her knees, and was crying against Sakura’s shoulder. Fai tried to reach out his hand, but it was shaking hard. He was too weak to move much, but he was still trying to escape Kurogane’s grasp. 

“Stay still, you idiot.” Kurogane growled, but Fai didn’t listen, only pausing when Syaoran stood in front of him. 

“Fai-san, the princess will take care of Koroko. You need to rest.” He said quietly. Fai gasped, and went limp, and Kurogane hurried to keep him from slipping completely to the floor. 

“I’ll take him.” Kurogane said, slipping his arm beneath Fai’s knees, and scooping up the wizard into a careful carry. Fai stiffened as if the movement or the position pained him, but he relaxed a moment later, barely aware. 

“I can walk.” Fai murmured. 

“Shut up,” Kurogane responded. 

Sakura looked up as they began to move away, eyes knowing and concerned. Fai stirred, and met her gaze. 

“Please, talk to each other. You just seen what happens when you don’t.” She whispered, causing Koroko to cry hard against the Princesses shoulder. Kurogane felt the heat rise in his cheeks, but he gave her a short nod. Fai looked shamefaced. 

“Yes, Princess.” He said quietly. 

They left the kids taking care of Koroko, and made their way towards Fai’s second level hospital room. Kurogane bore Fai’s slight weight through the halls, ignoring evening passersby. Fai was tired enough that he made no more protest about being carried, but he was oddly silent even so. He probably didn’t want to talk to him. Kurogane thought back to their argument, and the pain and anger he’d felt, and then he thought about the sad story they’d just witnessed. The spirit had only wanted Koroko to know that she loved her. She hadn’t asked for more, hadn’t even wanted to know if it was reciprocated. She’d been content with the telling. 

Kurogane didn’t think he was angry anymore, not at Fai. He’d sprung this on him, after all, and when he wasn’t feeling well to boot. He’d take a page out of Midori’s book. If Fai didn’t feel the same, or didn’t want anything to change between then, then...Kurogane thought he could live with that. 

He’d tell him how he feels, but not ask for more. It was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what everyone! I've finally finished this story! There will be roughly ten chapters, so look for the updates within the next week or so. Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

Fai lay quietly in Kurogane’s hold, his mind fuzzy but racing with what he’d seen. 

Poor Koroko and Midori…

She’d been in love with her best friend, but had died without telling her. From what Fai understood, Koroko had seen her once, but Midori had quickly ran out of power. That had become the scary story that Sakura had heard, and then told.

When Fai had arrived, Midori must have recognized his magic, and thought -correctly- that he would help. But he’d never thought that the story would end up reminding him so much of his own. 

Whatever was going on between him and Kurogane was uncomfortable, nerve wracking and terrifying, and Fai would much prefer it if things could go back to normal. But at least they were able to talk, to resolve it in one way or another. They were both still here, allowing Kurogane to make it clear how he felt. If he’d had to hear it from Kurogane’s spirit after he was gone, and then Fai was left knowing that, to go on without him… the thought filled him with an ache he couldn't define. 

He already knew he couldn’t lose him. Fai had felt that after Celes. How that feeling translated over into daily life, however… he had no idea.   
Fai looked up at Kurogane, silent and frowning like usual, and thought about how awful he’d been. This morning he’d been downright cruel, and Kurogane would be absolutely right if he never wanted to speak to him again. Fai didn’t want that to happen. 

He lifted his head, which had been limp against Kurogane’s shoulder, and cleared his throat. 

“Sorry…” He whispered. Kurogane’s steady stride faltered for a moment, and he blinked down at Fai cradled against him. 

Fai knew that wasn’t enough, so he gathered his fragments of courage, and spoke again. He couldn’t lift his eyes to meet Kurogane’s, but he hoped the man could read his sentiment. 

“I’ve been so terrible to you.” 

“Yeah, you have.” Kurogane replied mildly, beginning to walk again. Fai blinked, and risked a glance to meet his eyes, smiling weakly. 

“Kuro-pon is always so blunt.” 

Kurogane snorted. “If I wasn’t, we’d never get anything done.” 

Fai had to agree. His ability to dance around a topic was monumental, and even now it was taking everything in him not to change the subject. If he was sure his legs would work, he might have already been running away. As such, he swallowed, and tried to push down his fear. 

_Be honest for once, Fai. It can’t be that hard._

They reached Fai’s room, and Kurogane set him down on the unmade bed against the pillows. Fai’s limbs felt like a newborn’s; a combination of running around all day around the hospital, and using his magic in that condition. He was long past his point of endurance. and the strain had taken all his regained strength. 

He let Kurogane move around him, tugging the blankets out from under him, and spreading them across his chest, and pulling down the pillows so he could lay back. He was effectively tucking him in, and it was _nice_. Being too tired to feel embarrassed had its perks. 

Kurogane smoothed the blankets out one more time across Fai’s shoulders, pointless since he’d already done that, and then pulled away. He was leaving, leaving the room, and Fai suddenly _very_ much didn’t want him to. 

“Wait,” He said, dragging out a limp arm to reach for Kurogane’s sleeve, and grabbing his wrist. 

Kurogane blinked, but didn’t pull away. “What?”

Fai didn’t know why he’d done that, but once he was holding on to Kurogane’s arm -the right one and so it was warm, and Fai thought he could even feel the man’s pulse- he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do. He looked up, sleepy but worried for some reason he couldn’t define, into Kurogane’s red eyes. 

“You...you changed everything…I didn’t want things to change.” Fai said. It wasn’t what he expected to come out. Kurogane nodded, sitting in the bedside chair, and Fai saw clearly a flash of sadness. 

“I didn’t mean to.” Kurogane said. “I’m sorry I just kissed you like that.” 

Fai wanted to tell him ‘Don’t be’. Wanted to say that he’d liked it, and he cared about Kurogane in the same way that Kurogane seemed to care about him. But fear, that _damn_ fear and anxiety that motivated his every word and action and inaction for his entire life was freezing him in place. His hand was still tight around Kurogane’s wrist, and his heart was pounding. 

“You should have asked,” Fai said, falling back on petulant, because at least that wasn’t terrified. “Now everything is ruined.” 

Kurogane scowled. “It isn’t ruined,” He grumbled. “Nothing has to change, you idiot. If you don’t want to...if you don’t feel the same, we’ll just go   
back to normal.”

Fai stared down at their hands. Fai was still gripping Kurogane’s wrist, leaving Kurogane’s fingers to curl loosely. If he shifted just a bit, he’d be holding his hand… he couldn’t tell if the thought thrilled him or scared him. 

Kurogane was watching him as carefully as he’d done yesterday, when he’d leaned in and pressed his lips to Fai’s. He was blushing a bit, but he met Fai’s gaze when he looked up. Probably no one else would look at the current glare, and read the affection there, but maybe, just maybe, Fai was starting to see it.

He just...didn’t understand. Kurogane had certainly proven that he cared in the past. He wanted Fai to live, he’d bound his blood to him for what they’d thought would be the rest of their lives, he’d chosen to travel with him and the others even though the chance of going home was in his hands. And since then, they’d spent years teasing, fighting, and conversing, gaining a deeper relationship than Fai had ever had with anyone, save his brother. Kurogane knew _everything_ in his past, and he still wanted to stand by him.

And even knowing all of that, Fai’s mind had still stuttered when Kurogane had leaned in and kissed him. He thought he understood Kurogane, and the Kurogane he knew would never pursue a physical relationship with someone he didn’t love. There’d been opportunities; in Yama, women had offered, but Kurogane had never shown the slightest interest.

But then Kurogane had kissed _him_. The implications were screaming at him, but Fai couldn’t even think the words...

And like always, Kurogane seemed to be able to see through his every mask. With a shake of his head, he turned his wrist under Fai’s grasp, and interlocked their fingers, loose enough that Fai could pull away if he wanted. 

“You’re such an idiot.” 

He wanted to pull away, but he didn’t at the same time. Kurogane’s fingers were warm and rough, and Fai’s fit between them perfectly. Kurogane looked up to meet Fai’s eyes again. He was flushed, but determined looking. 

“I should have said this already. A long time ago. Maybe you’d understand it, if I’d been saying it all along.” Kurogane started, and Fai stared at him. Kurogane took a breath. “I just don’t want to be like that ghost. So I’m gonna say it now. But, like I said, nothing has to change, okay? It’s up to you.” 

This rambling was rather unlike Kurogane, but his eyes shown with conviction. Fai’s fingers were trembling against Kurogane’s, and Kurogane squeezed gently. Then, the ninja took a deep breath, and Fai held his own. 

“I love you,” He blurted. Fai hadn’t even allowed those words to come into his mind, but now they were out in the air, and he felt like his chest was rushing somewhere without him. Kurogane was watching for his reaction, but Fai didn’t think he’d even moved; just sat there, wide eyed like the idiot that Kurogane always called him. 

Fai remembered Midori saying the same thing to Koroko, and Koroko’s response. She’d misunderstood; she’d had no reason to believe it was anything else. Fai knew. He wasn’t as dense as all that. Kurogane meant this, just like he meant the kiss, and holding his hand. It was overwhelming, and petrifying, and Fai again had the fleeting thought that this too would not be a good time to throw up.

“You look like you’re about to pass out.” Kurogane broke the silence, interrupting Fai’s whirling thoughts. Fai breathed in, swallowed, and gave a faltering laugh. 

“I might.” He said, and Kurogane pulled his hand out of Fai’s (that tang of disappointment meant something, didn’t it?) and put both on his shoulders to ease him back into the pillows. It helped the pain in his side that he’d forgotten about until that moment, as well as made his dizzy thoughts slow a little. He was so tired.

Kurogane didn’t look offended at his reaction. If anything, he looked remorseful. 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that with you still recovering. I’ll leave you to sleep.” 

Kurogane turned, and Fai reached out and grabbed the sleeve over Kurogane’s mechanical arm. 

“No, please…” He murmured, not even sure what he was asking. Kurogane sat back down, eying him.

“You need to calm down then.” He ordered. “You look like you’re scared stiff.” 

“I am.” Fai said, gulping a little. “No one has ever said that to me like that.” 

Said it in other ways- joking, insincere, lying outright. The same way he spoke to everyone. He’d grown up in a royal court, after all. Everything was insincere. The relationships he’d been part of there were purely politics and lust. The emotions were false. Power ploys and entertainment value had brought him to men and women’s beds, and they to his. 

This. This was sincere. For Fai, this was real. 

Kurogane nodded, huffing through his nose like the wizard was the most annoying person on the planet. The sound did much to comfort him. 

“Yeah, well, I’ve never said it to anyone, so we’re even.” 

Fai’s chin trembled a little, and he laughed so he wouldn’t cry. Kurogane moved his opposite hand so that he was holding it over the back of   
Fai’s sleeve grip, smoothing his skin in comforting circles. 

“...you love me?” Fai gasped. Kurogane kept his face nonchalant. 

“Mm.” Kurogane affirmed. Then he stood. “You really do need to sleep. You ran around like a dumbass all day.” He was still holding Fai’s hand, and with the other, he smoothed back a strand of Fai’s hair. Fai felt his eyelids droop at the warmth of that gesture. 

“But I do get to leave tomorrow,” Fai said, sleepily protesting the title of dumbass. 

“I doubt it after today. But maybe, if you feel good.” 

Kurogane placed Fai’s hand on the bed at his side, and moved away successfully this time. 

“Go to sleep. We can talk tomorrow.”

Fai fell asleep quickly, and dreamed of ghosts and warm hands in his.


	9. Chapter 9

Kurogane quietly closed the door to Fai’s room, and resisted lingering, moving down the hallway and gently flexing his hand. Fai’s fingers between his own were still imprinted in his memory, and it was hard to shake off the warmth. He put that hand in his pocket, and strode off. 

The kids, the bun, and Koroko were seated in the dining area of the hospital. Koroko had her hands wrapped around a cup of tea, looking shaken but no longer crying. Sakura and Syaoran looked up when he came closer, and gave him twin looks of concern. 

“How is he?” Syaoran asked. 

Kurogane took a seat beside Koroko, and endured Mokona leaping into his lap with a worried squeak. 

“He’s fine. Asleep now. That magic wiped him out.” He said, absently putting a hand on Mokona’s head. 

Sakura was looking at him, and Kurogane blushed a bit. She probably wasn’t even asking yet, since Fai had pretty much been asleep already when they’d left her, but he remembered her admonishment to talk to each other. She certainly loved to mother them when she could. 

“And we talked a little…” He admitted, if only to make her feel better. “I think that’s okay too.” 

Sakura smiled, looking relieved. “That’s wonderful, Kurogane-san.” 

Mokona skipped a few times. “Yay! Fai-san and Kuro-san aren’t fighting anymore!” 

Kurogane humphed, and squashed Mokona against his thigh, causing it to laugh happily. Then he cleared his throat, turning his eyes to Koroko. 

“How are you, after all that?” He asked. She shrugged, staring into the pale liquid of her tea cup. 

“It’s a lot to process, but...I think I’ll be okay. Knowing she can move on now...it’s good.” 

Kurogane hesitated, and then blurted out his next question. It perhaps wasn’t the most polite thing to ask, but he needed to know. 

“Did you feel the same way?” 

Koroko blinked, looking at him. Then she closed her eyes. 

“No, I don’t think I did.” She said sadly. Kurogane pushed away an unexpected pang at that. He’d already decided that it didn’t matter what Fai’s response was: Koroko’s story was not his own. Sakura returned to smoothing her hand over Koroko’s shoulders, and she looked away from Kurogane with a soft smile. 

“Truly, I’ll be alright.” She said, swallowing. “I feel...lighter than I have since she died.” 

“You could probably feel her presence still, even if you didn’t know what it was.” Sakura said. 

“I hope I could.” Koroko took a deep breath. 

Kurogane offered her a quirk of his lips, and rose to leave. He was glad she was alright. Koroko had impressed him, both in managing Fai during his convalescence, and in handling what had happened. On impulse, he bowed slightly. 

“Thank you for taking care of him.” He said. 

Koroko smiled, a wide one. She looked at ease for the first time since he’d known her.

“It was my pleasure. I’m glad to know you both, and I wish you all the best.” 

“You as well.” Kurogane replied. 

Taking his leave of her and the kids, Kurogane retired to his assigned room in the palace. It wasn’t quite late, but he was tired, and he wanted to be alone. He spent the time before falling asleep thinking of his and Fai’s conversation and other fuzzy thoughts before passing the night in stillness. 

He woke early in the morning, and walked out onto the grounds. The hospital gardens were beautiful and cool at this time of the morning, and he wanted to be in Fai’s favorite place. They really were one of the loveliest places in Clow Country. They were also ridden with memories. 

In that tree, he’d found Fai hiding like a child from a well meaning therapist during their first stay here. He’d climbed up (lacking an arm at the time) to join him in the branches and hide from the rest of the world. 

That was where they’d had a picnic with the kids, Sakura’s brother and the high priest, while Kurogane was recovering from the strain of the mechanical arm. 

That grassy spot was where he’d taken a chance and kissed Fai. It had been stupid, but Kurogane didn’t regret it. It would work out. He knew. They’d come through worse. 

And now, he’d told Fai the extent of his feelings. That Fai was terrified was plain to see, but Kurogane liked to think that he could read the wizard somewhat well by this point, and the terror didn’t seem to be from opposition. Perhaps- Ah, but that didn’t matter if it was. Like he’d told Sakura, Fai deserved to know that he was loved. And , oh he was. 

Kurogane loved him. He had for a while; he wasn’t even sure how long. That was why the other man was scared; he didn’t believe yet.

And, Kurogane resolved to show him somehow. He’d keep showing him _until_ Fai believed it. 

“He will,” Kurogane swore quietly to himself, putting a fist over his heart. Like his vow to Tomoyo was sword under the moon, this one was under the sun, that was just barely edging over the garden walls. It was only fitting for the golden wizard. “He will believe it.” 

It was with a sense of rightness that Kurogane found a bench to watch the sun come up completely. He was waiting, and Kurogane had infinite patience, for Fai to wake up. They’d talk again, and no matter what Fai said, Kurogane knew his path. It was by that idiot’s side, as a friend or more. And that was that.

______

 

Fai woke with his hand curled under his chin, tangled with the fingers of his other hand, as if he’d been dreaming of holding someone else’s. 

Someone’s. Of course. 

Kurogane had confessed last night. And it hadn’t been like the flowery declarations he’d made and heard plenty of in court. Obviously, Kurogane would never be as false as that. If it was, then Fai’s heart wouldn’t be pounding so at the thought. 

Fai sat up, still sore, but actually feeling better. It was midmorning, so he’d slept long and deeply, and he could tell that he’d needed it. He was also starving!

He was moving well enough to sneak a sweet roll from the hospital kitchens, and munch on it as he walked carefully, finally sans cane. He wandered out into the gardens, swallowing the last of the bun, and licking the sugar from his fingers. He felt calm for the first time since this had all started.

Yes, Kurogane loved him. The fact didn’t seem so daunting in the morning light. In fact, Fai was wondering why he was so surprised. Kurogane had never made a secret of how he felt about anything since he met him in the courtyard of Yuuko’s shop. Why should Fai think that he’d be anything different? 

The sun was up, already slanting less and less as it got closer to noon. It was shining over the garden, and illuminated a man sitting on his favorite bench. 

Kurogane. He looked at peace. He was beautiful, staring out at the blue of the sky, with soft eyes. Fai’s chest swelled with affection, fondness, and maybe something more…

Yes. Love. Regardless of type, he loved Kurogane. He hated being at odds with him, and he knew that this was his responsibility to fix. 

As he approached, Kurogane’s lips quirked into a smile, even as he didn’t look away from the fluffy white clouds. Fai knew that the man had been aware of him the whole time he’d stood there. Fai moved closer until he was just to the side of him, not blocking his view. He briefly considered acting like usual; obnoxious and flirty...but he decided against it. He didn’t want to ruin the peace of the morning, or incite Kurogane out of his relaxed state. And also, Fai had something to say, and he wanted to be understood. 

“Good morning, Kuro-sama.” 

Kurogane turned his eyes to him; finally breaking his staring contest with the atmosphere. He looked glad to see him, in his way. The typical scowl was soft and gentle, but his eyes were a bit wary. Understandable. It spoke of how much Fai had hurt him these past few days. 

“You slept a long time.” Kurogane replied, in lieu of a greeting. Fai huffed a little, in play, and sank down onto the bench besides him. 

“Silly, Kuro-rin. I’m still recovering.” He said, swatting the other man’s arm. 

Kurogane lifted the corner of his mouth, as was his wont, and Fai sank back to lean on his hands. The stone was warm underneath him, and Fai smiled to himself, humming a little. 

“I take it you feel better?” Kurogane said, after a moment. Fai put a hand to his side. It had barely twinged on his way out here. He did feel tired and weak still, but he’d gain his strength back with time. 

“I do feel pretty well, actually.” Fai said, prodding his wound.

“Good.” Kurogane decided, looking back to the sky. Fai shifted forward a little, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, and looking over at Kurogane.

“And you?” He asked, tentatively. He hoped Kurogane knew that he meant the question regarding everything that had happened the past few days. Maybe he should be more specific. It probably wouldn’t be a terrible habit to pick up. 

Kurogane sent him a side glance. A yes-I-know-what-you’re-referencing-but-please-be-more-specific-in-the-future glance. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He said, simply. Kurogane didn’t lie, and so Fai allowed himself to relax a fragment, before making his decision. 

Taking a breath in, Fai closed his eyes and stretched out the left hand closest to Kurogane palm up. Then he prayed. There was a long _long_ pause. Fai cracked open one eye to look at Kurogane, his heart preemptively sinking. The ninja was looking quizzically at his offering. 

“You hold it.” Fai said helpfully, in case Kurogane needed a hint. It shouldn’t be too difficult, since they’d been holding hands just last night. Maybe he didn’t want to hold hands anymore? 

Kurogane snorted, and reached his right hand to take Fai’s just as he was about to let it fall. Fai’s heart skipped a beat, jerking his emotions over from rejection to elation in a second. A warm rough palm pressed against his, and their fingers tangled again, fitting together like puzzle pieces. 

They sat there for a little while, and Fai worked on categorizing the feeling he was feeling as happiness, as it wasn’t very familiar. Then, Kurogane shifted. 

“So, what now?” He asked, and Fai looked at him. 

“Hmm? Oh, I thought we could just sit here.” 

“Holding hands?” Kurogane lifted their two hands, and looked at them for a second. Fai did too, noting how their skin tones were different, and how lovely Kurogane’s was. There was a scar on the back of Kurogane’s hand that he’d never learned the story for. 

“Mm. Is that a problem?” Fai said, remembering that Kurogane had said something. Kurogane shifted his shoulders in kind of an implied eye roll. Fai was starting to feel defensive. 

“Not when you’re twelve.” He muttered. 

Fai frowned. 

“What’s wrong with hand holding?” He demanded. 

Kurogane seemed to realize that if he continued along this track, then he would no longer have a certain hand to hold at all, and squeezed Fai’s hand in a tighter grip. 

“Nothing. It just seems so...childish.” He said. 

“Kuro-tan, I want to take this slow.” Fai put his other hand on his hip, sitting upright. Kurogane raised an eyebrow. 

“You want to take this slow? _You_?” He said in stark disbelief. “You’re the one who’s always flirting and draping yourself all over me.”

“Mm, yes, but that was when you didn’t reciprocate.” Fai said, sniffing proudly. It was always easier when no one had any true feelings to worry about. 

“Wouldn’t reciprocation make it easier?” 

“You would think that.” 

Kurogane humphed, and Fai had the fleeting thought that this probably wasn’t how these types of conversations were supposed to go. Then again, when had the two of them ever been conventional? Kurogane hadn’t yet let go, and Fai didn’t want to, so they couldn’t be doing too badly. 

Fai scooted closer to Kurogane -something that was probably allowed now, he supposed- and pressed his chin against Kurogane’s shoulder. He turned to look at Fai, and Fai met his gaze with a smile that grew wider the longer he looked at him. Kurogane’s face shifted; surprise flitting across his features. 

“You look…” He trailed off, and Fai couldn’t resist a little impishness. 

“Look what, Kuro-wanwan? Pretty? Adorable? Irresistable??” 

Kurogane rolled his eyes, but returned his gaze to look at him.

“Happy.” Kurogane said, faintly annoyed. “You look happy, Fai.” 

Kurogane rarely said his name, so that alone made something in his chest swell. Heat rose up on his cheeks, and emotion choked his throat. 

“I am.” He whispered. Oh, he was still terrified, still fighting the feeling that he didn’t deserve this… but Kurogane’s hand was warm in his, and his red eyes still stayed locked on his. That did a lot to relieve the anxiety. 

Kurogane leaned forward, and pressed his lips to Fai’s forehead in a smooth motion. 

“I’m glad.” He whispered against Fai’s skin. When he pulled back, Fai knew there was moisture in his eyes. 

Kurogane blinked. 

“Hey-”

Fai stopped his question by surging forward and pressing his lips to Kurogane’s. Kurogane made a startled -adorable- little noise, and kissed him back. He was inexpert, but his feelings were clear. Fai was too choked up to really show him how it was done, so he drew back, whispering against Kurogane’s lips. 

“Thank you.”

Kurogane didn’t respond to that, but he settled back, squeezing Fai’s hand again. Fai leaned his head against Kurogane’s shoulder. He couldn’t remember a moment when he’d been happier.


	10. Chapter 10

Their departure from Clow Country was much different than their arrival. Before, they’d landed on the edge of the city; alone, bloodstained and panicking. This time, Kurogane stood next to Fai and the others as small crowd of well wishers and goodbye sayers gathered on the steps of the palace. Fai stood upright and healthy, smiling at the friends they’d gained. Koroko was near to Fai, chatting about everything and nothing probably, with a good smattering of bad mouthing about him, probably. Susumu stood near to Sakura, waving sadly. Fai had brought the kid to Sakura a few days prior, saying he could see spirits and Sakura was quick to take him on as a student. King Touya and his high priest stood back a little, while Sakura and Syaoran said their goodbyes. Everyone was happy and laughing as they prepared to leave. 

Mokona, its earring casting them all in a purplish light, leapt up to Kurogane’s shoulder, nuzzling it’s white body under his ear. 

“Mokona is going to miss Sakura and this place.” It whined. Kurogane nodded. 

“Me too.” 

He would miss the princess, and it was always sad to say goodbye, not knowing when they’d arrive back in this country. It broke his heart that Syaoran had to leave Sakura behind for now, as the price of his wish. But, as he watched Sakura and Syaoran look at each other, he could only summon a feeling of unaccountable luck. After all, he was taking Fai with him. 

As if he heard Kurogane’s thoughts, Fai glanced over, beaming at him when he saw Kurogane watching. Fai’s smile was real and blinding and it took Kurogane a moment to regain his thought processes before he smirked back, his heart swelling with gratitude. 

Honestly, not much had changed between them, at least not to the public eye. The idiot could still press every single one of his buttons, and incite a rage that would terrify the most well trained warriors, but only made Fai run away laughing. He still teased him, and called him silly names and made him grumble. Kurogane still threatened violence and Fai still poked and prodded just as he always had. 

But, their gazes held a little longer. There was a new ease between them, and Fai’s smile was the slightest bit more real. Kurogane knew that when they were alone, Fai would make an effort to communicate, and Kurogane could reach out to him, touch his hair or face, or kiss those flapping lips shut. Fai set the pace on their physical relationship, which was fine by him, as what Kurogane asked for most was words-truthful ones. They were beginning to arise more and more. 

Kurogane moved over to Fai’s side, and greeted Koroko, who was standing straighter, like a weight had actually been lifted from her shoulders. She put her hands on her hips, and looked him up and down. 

“Well, Kurogane-san, it’s your turn to take care of this dope for me.” 

Kurogane grinned. “It’s a tough job, but I think I can manage.” 

Fai was protesting.

“Why does everyone think I need taking care of?”

“Because you do.” Kurogane and Koroko replied in unison. They all three looked at each other in startlement, before bursting out laughing. 

Behind them, Syaoran and Sakura were finishing their farewells, holding on to each others hands. They’d never been ones for public displays, but their gazes were deep and seemed almost more intimate than if they’d kissed. They were murmuring to each other, and smiling sadly.

Fai stepped closer to him, and their hands brushed as Sakura pulled away from Syaoran to catch Mokona’s sudden flying leap. 

“Sakura, we’ll miss you so much!” The bun wailed, and Sakura cuddled it close to her cheek, dashing away a few tears. 

“I’ll miss you all too.” She said, lifting her eyes to first Syaoran, and then Fai and Kurogane. She smiled, eyes bright, at the two of them. “I’m so happy for you. Take care of each other, alright?” 

Kurogane nodded, but it was Fai’s solemn promise that brought Sakura to tears. 

“We will, Princess.” He said, and Kurogane deliberately brushed his hand again. She smiled tenderly, and hugged them both. 

“I love you.” She murmured, and Kurogane squeezed her tiny body gently, whispering back. 

“Love you too.” Huh. Those words had been getting easier. She pulled back, and Kurogane put a hand on her head, falling back into his regular manner. “You take care of yourself too, kid.” 

Mokona’s earring, which had been steadily glowing since that morning, when they’d begun to make preparations to leave, flashed brighter in purple, and they all looked at each other, knowing time was short. 

Sakura, with one more touch to Syaoran’s face, stepped back beside her brother and waved, tears glittering. Mokona’s magic kicked up around them, and the creature rose into the air to spread white wings. Swirling shapes and patterns he didn’t understand surrounded them, as their trio gathered closer together. Syaoran was still waving back at Sakura, calling out his goodbyes, while Fai looked up to meet Kurogane’s eyes. He gave him another real smile, and Kurogane felt his heart jerk with contentment. He reached out his hand, and Fai took it, sliding his fingers where they fit between his own. Kurogane smiled too, and marvelled at how _right_ this was. How easy it was to move from friends to something more. 

Of course, he was afraid. This was completely new to him. Never before had he had any inclination to pick up a relationship, man or woman, no matter how much Tomoyo teased him that he was getting older. Honestly, he hadn’t even realised with Fai that this was what he wanted until recently, the feeling was so unfamiliar. 

He was afraid to ruin this, to drive them apart for good, like he almost had in Tokyo. It was Fai or no one now, and he truly didn’t want to be alone anymore. But, he and Fai had survived much. Hell and back had been traversed and they were both still here. Perhaps, they could make this work. 

The travelling magic rolled around them, and Clow disappeared in a rush of whorls and eddies. They were off to somewhere new. 

Fai, still holding his hand, leaned in to speak. He looked wild, free and happier now than Kurogane had ever seen. His hair was whipping around his face, and his eyes were alight. He was beautiful. 

“Ready, Kuro-rin?”

Kurogane flashed him a grin, and tightened his hold on the thin fingers, trying to convey that he never meant to let go. 

“Definitely.” 

 

END

___________________________

**Author’s Notes** (That wouldn't fit in the actual box for notes...whoops)

Woohoo, I’m done! Anyone down for DVD extras? 

First, I have a few drawings up on my tumblr (arisprite dot tumblr dot com) that come from certain scenes. They will be tagged with ‘two motives’ or just ‘art type stuff’. 

I listened to Gabrielle Aplin’s “Please Don’t Say You Love Me” nonstop while writing this. You should definitely go and listen to it. 

Okay, this story came from a lot of urging from my roommate and instigator, Rémy (aka username-goes-here on tumblr, or names are hard guys on fanfic). As I mentioned in the first A/N, she is the one who came up with the kiss scene and others, and she basically plotted this entire thing with me. She’s awesome. Like, so much. Anyway, because of that, a lot of discussion went into certain points of this fic, and if any of you are interested, I’ll detail some of them here. 

**How we came up with this, i.e. ‘soft, soft, lips’:**

Like I said, this story came about in conversations with Rémy. I drew a picture, Rémy added dialogue (‘soft, soft lips’ was her origination), and then in late night ramblings, a plot was formed. “What if the ghost is a lesbian?” was definitely said at one point, and suddenly I have a doubly gay paranormal romance on my hands that threatened to be over 20,000 words long. It was. So basically, we worked around that first kiss scene and came up what you have just finished. The other scene that we sketched out that day was the hand holding conversation in the end chapter, though Kurogane ended up less grumpy about it in the final version. 

**Both Kurogane’s and Fai’s background regarding relationships:**

I have a firm headcanon on Fai’s background. Namely, he grew up in a court. And, like most courts in history, it probably was chock-full of affairs, scandals and sex. Fai, given his personality traits, and flirty habits, was definitely mixed up with it all. Court politics are games, and Fai loves winning. By the time the whole shtick with Ashura happened, he’d been around for at least 90 years, but probably more (given what Yuuko said about his lifespan) and I don’t think he spent all that time reading. Not that he was in love or anything, as he said in the fic. It was physical, it was political, and it passed the cold cold winters of Celes. 

As far as Kurogane goes, I think the opposite. He’s a virgin. He’s a blushing virgin. What a cutie. Honestly, Rémy and I have talked about his history, and we believe that sex or relationships really didn’t occur to him. He’s probably demisexual, and so wouldn’t even think about having a physical relationship with someone until there was a strong emotional bond. Hence why he didn’t realize with Fai until years down the road. 

**Making the First Move:**

For all that Fai flirts and drapes himself on Kurogane, he’s treating that aspect of their relationship as totally farcical. He’s teasing him, it’s a game, and Kurogane’s only emotion about it is annoyance, which keeps life fun. Fai can handle annoyance, he loves making Kurogane annoyed at him. However, reciprocated affection, he really doesn’t know what to do with. He’s terrified at the thought, as you saw in the fic. Therefore, he’d never make a real move. It was up to Kurogane, and at some point, he had realized that. 

**Kurogane and ‘I love you’:**

Ooh, we debated whether or not he’d actually get these words out. I mean, he totally feels it. He really really loves Fai, and he knows it. However, saying the words... He’s not really a great communicator in the first place, and then he’s never said anything like that before- both personality and culturally, it wasn’t easy at all. But, then we considered what Fai was hearing. And Fai is rather deaf when it comes to people caring about him. He’s almost willfully denying every and all signs that Kurogane is giving him, up to the kiss itself. We thought Kurogane would see that Fai really needed to hear it. Fai is a words guy, and he’ll probably have to hear it a bajillion more times to completely believe it. So, Kurogane mustered the courage. Good on him!

**Background on the therapist mention:**

In chapter 9 I mentioned that Fai hid in a tree from a therapist. This is from yet another conversation I had with Rémy which turned into a full script, that I’ll probably turn into a fic at some point, wherein, Fai was ambushed by a very competent therapist, and actually spilled some details to the guy. Unwillingly. Which of course made him panic, dump a pistachio cart on the doctor and run away to hide. The script can be found on my tumblr, if you’re interested all that much.

**What Syaoran and Sakura have been doing through all this:**

Basically, I wish I could have spent some time with Syaoran and Sakura and their precious romance! I had to keep it on Fai, in order to keep the story manageable, but just know that the two love birds reunited in complete adorable awkwardness. I love those two so much. 

**Name meanings of OCs:**

Well, mostly this is a story of my bad spelling. And choices. Firstly, Midori means green. That’s it. There’s no meaning there, I don’t even remember why I chose it. Moving on. Koroko, I thought meant ‘heart’ or ‘spirit’ but it turns out I can’t spell, and I transposed the letters of the name Kokoro wrong. Whoops. So, I made that one up. Then, Susumu is a real name that means ‘advance’ simply because I was stuck in the plot, and I added him in order to move things forward. It was a joke, and it stuck. Whoops again. 

**Fai and Kurogane and a conversation about Hitsuzen:**

Something that didn’t end up in the fic was a conversation between Fai and Kurogane about the odds of them even landing anywhere with good medical care, let alone Clow Country, where they were known and loved, and would be taken care of. Kurogane was upset, because Fai came so close to dying, and he was being so flippant about it. It was a sheer dumb luck they landed there, in Kurogane’s opinion. Fai, meanwhile, cited Hitsuzen, and didn’t really want to talk about it. Imagine that. 

 

Well, if you read the rest of this, CONGRATS! Thanks so so much for reading, enjoying, reviewing, favoriting and all that. You guys are all the greatest!


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